


I Don't Want to be Friends

by flameoh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Camp Half-Blood (Percy Jackson), Drowning, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Fear, Fighting, Kissing, M/M, PJO AU, Percy Jackson AU, Puberty, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Trauma, as in not really any action, basically just gay teenage boy thoughts, gym three squad makes sporradic appearances, i tried to tag just the major players but theres a bit of everyone in here, im pretty sure my default writing style is just angst, implied sexual thoughts, this is pretty casual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:46:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25177123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flameoh/pseuds/flameoh
Summary: Tsukishima Kei hates Kageyama Tobio, for something that's not even his fault. He's been at Camp Half-Blood for years and still hasn't been claimed, of course he'd have a grudge against some people. But as he gets older and starts to get crushes out of nowhere, he starts to feel something that strangely isn't hate when he looks at Kageyama. What is this feeling? What does it mean? And what should he do about it?
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei, Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 17
Kudos: 171





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i was loosely inspired to write a pjo au by [this fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23549527/chapters/56490640) because it was absolutely amazing and you all should go read it instead of this. not all the characters are in the same cabins as the characters there; i took some creative liberties and i hope y'all are not mad! i've also been hesitant to post this bc i feel like i was stealing their idea but i wrote this mostly for myself. i'm aiming to keep this within ten chapters. i hope you like it!

Tsukishima was grumpy ever since he arrived at Camp Half-Blood. He didn’t have a horror story like a lot of the other campers, which he was grateful for, but he felt like he didn’t fit in, or didn’t belong there. As much as any monster who was attracted to him, or mysterious creature he recognized that tried to convince him he was a demigod, he didn’t really believe it. Everyone there, no matter their personality, seemed to have so much fun in the outdoors, doing athletic things and getting all sweaty. He might’ve liked those things when he was a kid but he didn’t consider himself that much of a kid anymore. Kid, in his eyes, being defined as under ten years old; elementary school age. Tsukishima was a hearty ten years old, but he’d be eleven in a month and a half.

Although, being outside wasn’t the reason for the height of his grumpiness. He got to camp over a year ago, and since then, he has not been claimed. He watched a few kids come to camp, and each would get claimed within a month at the longest. Some even as quick as when they walked into camp. So since he was nine, he’d been staying in the Hermes cabin. There were a few kids there who’d been staying longer than him and they never got claimed. He always secretly wished that he would never end up like them, that some day he’d be claimed. And yes, he loved his brothers and sisters in the Hermes cabin, but he couldn’t help feeling that way. He wondered if the older kids who also hadn’t been claimed felt the same way, or if they just accepted the fact and adopted Hermes as their father.

Tsukishima sighed, throwing his legs over the edge of the bed. It creaked as he did so, as did the floorboards next to his bed. He frowned. He glanced around the cabin to see who was around. He had been reading like usual, and people usually came in and out without him noticing. Only one of the Miya twins were in here. He furrowed his brows. They usually spent all their time together. He figured Atsumu was taking a dump. He walked between the maze of beds to his older brother who was also reading. He blinked. He didn’t think Osamu read that often.

“Osamu?”

“Yeah, Kei?”

“The board next to my bed is still creaking. Should I tell the Hephaestus kids to look at it?”

Without looking up he said, “Oh, yeah, we keep forgetting to do that. Just make sure they--” he was cut off by a rumbling and a distant yet very loud roar. He looked up this time, his wide eyes making contact with Tsukishima’s. They both rushed out of the cabin to see what was going on. Tsukishima feared an intrusion of some monster, which was very unlikely but he always feared the worst. After glancing across the growing crowd outside, he noticed they were all looking towards the top of the hill, where a large pine tree sat and the entrance to camp was. A new camper?

Tsukishima followed his brother running up the hill. He was already getting a little out of breath but still gasped when he saw the outline of what looked like a minotaur. It couldn’t be… why would one be all the way out here? The last time one was was when it was following a child of the big three. His stomach dipped in a mixture of fear and excitement at the thought. There was only one child of the big three here. If there was another here, would the gods get mad at another betrayal of the pact Zues, Hades, and Poseidon made?

Even if Tsukishima wasn’t very close to the entrance to camp, he could still see everything that was happening there. There was another roar, and he could feel the vibrations of it shaking his body and his insides. He tensed and reached for his brother. He watched as a young boy ran and stumbled into camp. Tsukishima and most of the other campers around him stood in slight shock. When the boy pushed himself off the ground, Tsukishima winced for him. One of his arms was purple and bruised, probably broken. He had dark hair and eyes, but it was masked by the dirt on his hair and face. Blood was dripping down the side of his face, but he couldn’t tell if it was from a wound on his head or a gash on his face. The boy himself looked similar to Tsukishima’s own age.

A few of the kids in camp rushed to his side once he was within the borders of the camp. Tsukishima had no idea how they were going to get rid of the minotaur, if he was right in what the creature was. He felt his brother’s arm in front of him, giving him a light push. He looked up and saw Osamu worried, trying to hide the fear that Tsukishima knew was there.

“Let’s get back. It’ll probably stay longer if there’s more of us gathered here.” Tsukishima nodded and followed him down, Atsumu meeting them while still pulling up his zipper.

“What happened, what did I miss?”

The three of them then turned their attention to a booming voice. On top of the hill, by the new kid’s side, was Chiron. He stood in his full centaur glory, but once he went inside he’d probably squeeze himself back into his wheelchair, Tsukishima assumed.

“Return to your regularly scheduled activities as calmly as possible. For now, stay away from the entrance to camp if you don’t want to get hurt.”

How was he going to return what he was just doing now? Everyone was already talking about this new boy that came to camp. He said goodbye for now to the twins, though he noticed someone running to him at almost full speed.

“Tsukki!” He gasped as Yamaguchi jumped on him, throwing his arms around his neck. Tsukishima managed not to fall back.

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima said his best friend’s name in an almost scolding way, but his face was heating up at the sudden affection. Yamaguchi was all for it; he loved hugs, and because of that, he was the only one Tsukishima let hug him without resistance. Except maybe his eldest brother Ukai.

“Did you see it? The minotaur? You know what that means. That guy is really powerful, or he will be someday. Do you think he’s a child of the big three?”

“I was thinking about it,” Tsukishima mumbled and his hands traveled down the hem of his shirt, which he often fumbled with when he was nervous; Yamaguchi, in his humble opinion, was a little too bright and warm for him sometimes, especially when he was excited. He assumed it was a child of Apollo thing.

“Should I ask him?”

“What? You’re going to go talk to him?”  
“Well, I wanted to try to learn some first aid type things from Asahi in the infirmary. I might be able to ask him stuff there, but Asahi gets anxious when I ask people invasive questions.”

Tsukishima shrugged, still playing with the hem of his shirt. “If you want to.” Although, Tsukishima wanted to ask him to come with him to the workshop that the Hephaestus kids hung out at; they intimidated him a bit.

“Where are you going?”

“I was just going to ask someone from the Hephaestus cabin to fix a floorboard in my cabin.”

“Oh, do you want me to come with? I know some of the older kids scare you.”

“What? No they don’t,” Tsukishima tugged on the edge of his own shirt in defiance. Yamaguchi smiled at him, a couple of the freckles that sat on the bridge of his nose stretching towards his eyes.

“Okay, then you don’t. But I’ll still go with you if you want. It can’t hurt to visit Nishinoya.” Tsukishima frowned which made Yamaguchi laugh. “I know you think he’s loud, but he’s really nice. And he’ll probably fix things for you without asking for you to repay him.”

Tsukishima huffed grumpily. “Fine. But you don’t need to go with me, I can go by myself.”

Yamaguchi smiled again, but this time, it was more knowing and mischievous. “Alright. Good luck! See you at dinner!” And so Yamaguchi ran towards the infirmary to meet his brother.

Tsukishima was, as Yamaguchi predicted, dreading going to see Nishinoya. He stood in the doorway to the workshop, not yet finding the small boy before he heard his name yelled.

“Tsukishima!” He cringed and turned to run away, but a thin yet strong arm was already pulling him down by his neck. Nishinoya was already twelve, but Tsukishima had been taller than him the entire time he knew him. He knew he was a tall kid, but Nishinoya was also known as a pretty short kid.

“What can I do for you?” He kept his arm around Tsukishima’s shoulders, making him slouch down close to Nishinoya’s height. He explained the creaky board in his cabin. “Oh, of course I can look at that for you, it’s no problem!” He went to grab a few tools and extra planks of wood which he said was just in case. He sat on the floor of the Hermes cabin with Tsukishima just sitting on his bed in wait.

“Did you see the new kid that came in earlier?” Nishinoya asked while pulling a nail out of the floor. “I didn’t but I heard about him. It was a guy right? I heard he was covered in blood.”

“No, just part of his face.”

“Really? Were you that close to see him?”

“Not really,” Tsukishima shrugged.

Nishinoya replaced the board like it was nothing; according to him replacing it would’ve been easier than fixing it. To prove his skills (so he said), he jumped up and down on the board he put in. No squeaking.

“There you go! All fixed!” Nishinoya said his goodbye and left, basically marching back to the workshop to continue whatever he was working on before.

Tsukishima busied himself before dinner, continuing the book he was reading before, but he was distracted at the thought of another kid of the big three. Right now, the camp had one; Bokuto was the son of Zues. And whenever Zues was mentioned, Osamu always mentioned how he could never keep it in his pants. And then Ukai, the Hermes cabin leader, would yell at him for making inappropriate jokes in front of the younger kids. Tsukishima didn’t fully understand the joke yet. He wouldn’t be allowed to read the PG-13 rated mythology books until he was, well, thirteen. But he didn’t know how Osamu knew then if he was only twelve.

Ukai came to get him for dinner; he always wrangled up the younger ones, and currently, Tsukishima was the third youngest in the Hermes cabin. He nodded to his eldest brother and stuffed his book under his pillow for safe keeping. On his way to the pavilion, he held his younger sister’s hand; for a six year old, she was an avid kleptomaniac. Before he could reach the Hermes table, he noticed Chiron coming down with a young boy with dark hair. Tsukishima almost stopped walking. It was the new kid.

He dropped off his sister next to Atsumu, and he settled himself comfortably between Osamu and Ukai.

Chiron stood in front of the pavilion with his hand on the boy’s shoulder. He had a large band-aid over his cheek and his left arm in a sling. He looked pretty okay besides that.

“Everyone, this is Kageyama Tobio. He--” Chiron’s eyebrows shot up as a glowing symbol appeared suddenly over Kageyama’s head before Chiron could even finish his introduction. He laughed and clapped his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “A son of Ares. Your father  _ is  _ a very proud man,” he said in reference to his very quick claiming. “You’re going to do great things.” The boy nodded, attempting a small smile, but it looked a bit scary to Tsukishima. Not only was he a little disappointed that he wasn’t a child of the big three, but he couldn’t help his fury that this kid who arrived just a couple hours ago was claimed. Claimed so soon.

Tsukishima bunched his fists at his side. Tears threatened to drip from his eyes. He moved to stand, but Osamu pulled his arm down from next to him. He shook his head with a stern look. He wanted to run away, run off somewhere and be alone instead of all these people who knew that he didn't actually have a place here. No one knew who he actually was, not even himself. Instead, he complied and stared at his plate of food, crossing his arms over his chest.

The Ares table, on the other hand, gradually increased with noise to welcome their new brother. Tanaka was one of the loudest, grabbing him by his shoulders while still being mindful of his injuries and cackling loudly. Daichi snatched Tanaka away before he could cause mayhem. Especially before he could cause it and Yamamoto could encourage it.

Tsukishima sniffled and ate his food without a word. He hated him. He hated Kageyama Tobio.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been writing this fic like crazy, but after re-reading over this chapter, it feels like it went by really quick. the pacing will slow down soon i promise, im just getting in some key points to their lives :) i hope yall like it!

“What’ve you been reading recently?” Yamaguchi asked, lying on his stomach on the grass. Tsukishima was lying on his back, hands behind his head and eyes attached to the gently floating clouds above. They were thirteen now and enjoying a quiet day near the lake; it was a little cooler for the summer, but Tsukishima appreciated it. He hated having to sweat unnecessarily.

Tsukishima sighed. “Why, do I look depressed?” Yamaguchi only asked him that when he thought he wasn’t doing so well so he could talk about something interesting that he liked. It usually did help him feel better, but it annoyed him slightly that Yamaguchi knew it would work.

“No,” he responded defensively. “You just look a little down,” he scooted over, already lying perpendicular to Tsukishima’s head, so when he got closer, the blades of grass he held between his fingers were dropped onto Tsukishima’s face. Tsukishima scrunched his nose and shook his head to let them fall off. He propped himself up on his elbows and gave a look to Yamaguchi.

“Well, you do! Did you get into a fight with Kageyama again?”

Tsukishima scoffed loudly and rolled his eyes, rolling to his side so his back faced Yamaguchi. “Ugh, don’t mention his name in front of me.”

“I don’t know why you hate him so much, he’s not that bad.”

Tsukishima gasped and turned back over so he faced Yamaguchi. “You didn’t.”

Yamaguchi’s face glowed pink. “No, I didn’t! He just helped me with some sword stuff so I don’t make a fool of myself in the next capture the flag! He’s practically a genius, haven’t you seen him with a sword?”

Tsukishima scowled. “Yeah. Pretty first hand.”

Yamaguchi winced. “Sorry Tsukki, I forgot--”

“Forgot that he knocked me on my ass three separate times? Yeah, thanks,” he huffed and looked back up at the sky. There was a pause. “Magic.”

“What?”

“The last book I read was on magic. Fukunaga let me borrow it, but only let me have it for so long so Oikawa wouldn’t notice it was gone. It’s only really for people who practice it, so the Hecate kids keep it in their cabin most of the time.”

“What kind of spells did it have in it?”

“Some pretty cool things. There were ones that enhanced some natural processes like growth for plants, and others that help people sleep but have side effects like having dreams where you’re an animal.”

“Why would someone need a spell for sleeping when they can just ask one of the Hypnos kids?”

Tsukishima shrugged, already feeling better by talking about something else.

“Have you read that mythology book yet that Ukai wouldn’t let you read?” Yamaguchi asked, kicking his feet in the air above the back of his legs.

Tsukishima snorted. “I practically read it the night of my birthday. Stayed up late and everything.”

“What did it say?” Yamaguchi hid behind his hands, his ears turning pink.

“It wasn’t as explicit as Osamu made it sound. A lot of the stuff was kind of gross. A lot of penises.”

Yamaguchi gasped and looked around them. “Tsukki! Not so loud.”

Tsukishima laughed aloud. “What are you scared of? That someone will think we’re talking about porn?” He smirked. “You think any of the other thirteen year old boys around here aren’t?”

“What? Who?”

Tsukishima shook his head. “You’re the most gossipy Apollo boy I’ve seen, wouldn’t you know?” He glanced at Yamaguchi who looked embarrassed but still expectant. “For one, I found Atsumu’s collection the other day. In a really shitty hiding place. He doesn’t know I found it though.”

“He seems like the type.”

Tsukishima laughed. “What does that mean?”

Yamaguchi shrugged but giggled. Tsukishima started watching the clouds again, watching them float away from camp. His smile faded. He turned on his side, this time facing Yamaguchi, and began plucking the grass in between them, making a small pile.

“Ukai sent me a letter the other day,” he said. “He’s just getting used to the New York subway system, he said.”

“Do you miss him?”

“I guess,” Tsukishima mumbled. Yamaguchi gave him a warm and comforting smile. He saw him reach for his hand, but Tsukishima looked behind him when he heard footsteps running towards them.

“Hey, the lead cabins are planning for the next capture the flag,” Yachi told the two of them but was looking more at Yamaguchi. His eyes sparkled when he looked at her. Or, that’s how they looked to Tsukishima. He rolled his eyes; he could tell, even if he hadn’t told him yet, that his best friend was starting to have a crush on a certain daughter of Demeter. She only arrived last year, but her and Yamaguchi had become fast friends.

“Okay, thanks Yachi,” Yamaguchi stood with a smile and offered a hand to Tsukishima, which he took. Yachi smiled back, her cheeks almost naturally rosy, but it faltered when Tsukishima stood up. He knew she was just intimidated by how tall he was. She seemed really small and he already knew he was tall for his age. He offered a smile, but based on her nervous reaction, he assumed it came out as a crooked grin. It happened more often than not. The three of them walked back to the U of cabins. Yamaguchi parted from them. Tsukishima didn’t know how to say goodbye to Yachi without sounding awkward and dismissive.

“Um, is your leg doing okay?” he offered.

“Huh? Oh,” she glanced down at her leg which looked normal now. A few weeks ago, she fell out of a tree and sprained her ankle, so she couldn’t participate in the last two capture the flag games. “Yeah, it’s definitely better. I’ve been practicing a little bit everyday, so I should be good to go for Friday.”

“That’s good. Well, uh, good luck with your practicing and stuff. See you then?”

“Yeah, sure!” She waved as she went off towards the armory.

Tsukishima sighed. He knew he should probably practice. He wasn’t very good with weapons in general, he was better on the strategic side of things. But the Hermes cabin hadn’t led a team since last year. He wasn’t sure why, they weren’t bad, besides him. The Apollo cabin usually had Hermes cabin on their team with the smaller cabins like Hypnos, Hecate, and Nike going to Hephaestus cabin who led the other team for the past three games. They’ve been on a winning streak, too.

He started reading outside, crouched down next to his cabin. He heard some cheering and looked up. Outside of the armory, there was a small crowd of kids. And in the middle of them, the last person he wanted to see. He scoffed when he threw a second spear that landed in the center of a target. What a show off. Who does he think he is, a king? He’s nothing special to deserve all this attention. Daichi was just as good at that stuff and he never had a crowd cheering for him as he did just simple practice.

He was glad the Hephaestus cabin usually chose Ares for their team, while the Apollo cabin takes Athena. And also usually Bokuto as the lone person from the Zeus cabin. Recently, the Apollo kids have been hanging onto the Demeter and Dionysus cabins, too, while Hephaestus took the Aphrodite cabin.

Tsukishima didn’t know how much time had passed before Yamaguchi came up to him again.

“Good news, the teams aren’t changing from last time. We’re looking more for revenge, I think.”

“And if they keep winning, we’ll probably just keep going for revenge.”

Yamaguchi laughed. “Right.”

Tsukishima was dreading this game. He didn’t usually have a good time splashing in the mud like the rest of his cabin. Sometimes he wondered if he would fit in more at the Aphrodite cabin, but then he always remembered how good of a fighter Kiyoko was, and she definitely wasn’t afraid to get dirty. Also, he had a mom, so he knew whichever god was his parent had to be a man.

Tsukishima took a deep breath and tightened his chest plate. He didn’t like thinking seriously about his godly parent, it just made him sad or angry.

“Good game, Tsukishima, huh?” Nishinoya clapped him on the back encouragingly. He didn’t respond. “Just some good ol’ sportsmanship,” Nishinoya grinned.

“Sure,” he mumbled.

“Come on, wish me a good game too!”

“Why would I, you’re on a different team.”

“Look here you little bas--”

“Leave the poor kid alone, Noya,” a soft voice came from behind him. Tsukishima turned and saw Sugawara from the Athena cabin. He’s talked to him a bit, but so did everyone. He was a people person, quite the opposite of Tsukishima. It helped that he was older--two years older than Tsukishima, in fact--so people admired him. Not to mention he was attractive, so he was naturally approachable. Tsukishima remembered when he first came to camp a little after he did that everyone thought he was Aphrodite’s son, but Athena probably didn’t want him to just have a reputation of a pretty boy, so she claimed him two weeks after his arrival.

Sugawara smiled sweetly at Tsukishima and he felt his face get warm, He looked away, not really sure why, but he had to deduce that he was just nervous to talk to him because he didn’t know him so well.

“H-hi Sugawara…”

“Are you ready? I’ve been trying to train harder than usual since Yaku nearly gave me a concussion last time. I’d like to say that I’m here to give him one instead, but I don’t consider myself to be a very violent person,” he laughed lightly, and it sounded like music to Tsukishima. He swallowed. Yaku was a son of Nike. He was well-known as a sore loser and definitely didn’t acknowledge any time he might’ve been defeated.

“I can, um, I can help you if you want?” Tsukishima fumbled with the end of his shirt, nervously.

“Would you? Oh, that’s so sweet. We are going to be going the same way. Maybe you’ll intimidate him just by looking at you since he’s so short,” Sugawara snickered.

Tsukishima followed him out of the armory once he grabbed his sword. It felt too heavy in his hands, but he couldn’t imagine how Sugawara felt. He had a full-out broadsword in his hands.

“Isn’t that heavy?” he asked.

Sugawara smirked. “You underestimate my strength, Tsukishima. Plus--and don’t tell anyone,” he whispered. “But I had training from the enemy. Don’t worry, I’ll only use it against them,” he chuckled mischievously. Tsukishima raised a brow. He guessed he didn’t really have the older boy that figured out. He was strange, no matter how enticing he was.

They met up with the rest of their team. In most cases, these things either went really slow or really fast to Tsukishima. He didn’t care much for running hard enough where you can’t breathe well or fighting hard enough that you’d have actual serious injuries. But he went along because at least if his team won, he’d have the bragging rights.

This one seemed like it was going to be slow. Until Tsukishima, following lamely alongside Sugawara, ran into Yaku. He lifted his sword quickly, successfully parrying, and backed up as Yaku’s sheer force and strength shoved him off. His back hit a tree, but Sugawara intervened, looking mighty excited to take on a rival.

“You okay, Tsukishima?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, watching the two fight cautiously from the sidelines.

“I got things covered here, go ahead to the flag!”

The flag? He couldn’t go get the flag. He was never one powerful enough to get the flag himself. Plus they usually had the stronger guys guarding the flag, and he  _ knew  _ he couldn’t deal with someone like Daichi who was a son of Ares or Iwaizumi who was a son of Hephaestus. Not to mention, their biceps rivaled the size of Tsukishima’s head.

To not disappoint Sugawara, he went on cautiously, his head whipping around at every bird chirp or leaf crunch he heard. Thankfully for him listening on to all of his surroundings, he was able to hear the footsteps coming from his right. He held up his sword, not confident in any offensive moves he might attempt. His face hardened when he saw who it was.

Kageyama’s eyebrows rose when he saw it was Tsukishima who he came upon. He assumed he probably looked like an older kid from the back based purely on his height, even if Kageyama was relatively tall as well.

“Tsukishima.”

He tightened his grip on his sword, hoping that whatever Kageyama pulled, he’d be able to counter it. Kageyama swung, and Tsukishima kept his sword steady enough to parry. He felt like he didn’t have a choice but to admit to himself that he was scared. In practices and all other times they’ve fought, it was with wooden swords. But when they played capture the flag, they used real, sharp metal blades.

Tsukishima bit his lip to concentrate. He backed up, being cornered by the stronger boy. He ended up tripping on something he couldn’t see and started falling back. He gasped, hoping to the gods he wouldn’t do something as stupid as cut himself on his own sword as he fell. But Kageyama made sure of that, in a way; he took the opportunity to hit Tsukishima’s sword out of his hand with his own, the action resounding in a sharp metal clang.

Tsukishima winced and grunted as his back hit the floor of the woods. He looked up just in time for Kageyama to stand over his body, his sword pointed at Tsukishima’s neck. He froze, not even daring to move his arms. Kageyama crouched down then sat on Tsukishima’s hips, in a position to pin down his arms if he wanted to. He stabbed his sword in the ground next to them, making Tsukishima cringe.

“Get off of me,” he said boldly now that the sword wasn’t endangering his life.

“No. I want to talk to you.”

“What? No, get off me, we’re in the middle of a game--”

“Yeah, and I know you don’t care much about this stuff so why should it matter?” Tsukishima didn’t answer, he only glared up at him. Kageyama averted his eyes briefly. “Why do you hate me?”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes and turned his head to look away from Kageyama’s dumb face. He felt Kageyama lean on his shoulder with the heel of his palm, pushing his shoulder further into the dirt.

“Ow!” He looked back at Kageyama’s blue eyes, which were so determined they almost pierced through Tsukishima; it shocked him. He was also surprised how much he didn’t look angry, it was more so frustrated than anything.

“What reason did I give you to hate me? You didn’t like me since I got here.” He held back a scream in frustration, grunting loudly instead, and his grip on Tsukishima’s shoulder tightened. He winced, ignoring the drop of summer sweat that dripped from Kageyama’s neck onto his own. “What did I do to you?”

Tsukishima continued glaring up at him. “How about acting like the king of camp, for one. You think just because you beat me like this you can pin me down and order me to do whatever you want like some commoner?”

The grip on his shoulder loosened slightly. “I don’t act like that. And if I do, I don’t mean to.”

“Or how about the fact that  _ everyone  _ loves you because you're good at holding a sword or nocking an arrow or walking? Oh look at me, I’m Kageyama Tobio, I’m good at everything and everyone likes me because I have such a natural talent that just  _ oozes  _ out of every pore of my body.” He squeezed his eyes shut; he could feel the tears coming but he couldn’t stop himself, he felt like all his emotions were waves of magma bubbling up about to burst and burn everything they came across. He felt possessed, cursed to say everything that’d been burdening him over the years, all the feelings and thoughts of hate he pushed onto Kageyama Tobio.

“Or how about the fact that the  _ moment  _ you got here, you were claimed by your proud father, claimed by someone who knew you were going to be great, claimed by someone who  _ wanted  _ you, or claimed at all!” He was crying now. He couldn’t dare look at the boy who was sitting on top of him. This was the worst, the most embarrassing moment of his life. He lifted an arm to cover his eyes, pushing away his glasses. He felt the pressure on his shoulder disappear, but the pressure on his lower body remained. Kageyama was silent.

“Please get off of me,” Tsukishima said between shaky breaths.

“I’m sorry,” Kageyama said quietly before getting up. He heard rustling beside him that sounded somewhat like footsteps. And sure enough, when he looked up again, the other boy was gone. Tsukishima resigned himself, pushing himself against a tree and hugging his knees.

After minutes of being alone, the tears didn’t stop. He didn’t know where they were coming from. All those years he spent doing anything except crying, were biting him in the butt now.

“Tsukishima? What’s wrong?” The voice he heard made him want to curl up on himself even more. The beautiful boy who relied on him seeing him in this humiliating, vulnerable state. He shook his head. He startled when he felt a hand on his arm and saw Sugawara’s concerned face. “Are you hurt?” He shook his head again.

“I can’t stop… crying…”

Sugawara’s face softened. He wrapped his arms around Tsukishima in a hug. “It’s okay,” he whispered in his ear. “You can let it out.”

Tsukishima hiccuped in surprise and shakily slid his arms around the older boy’s neck. His hair was soft against his cheek, and he smelled sweet, despite the fact that he was sweating. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been hugged genuinely like this, maybe the last time he saw his mom. It comforted him enough that he wanted to fall asleep like this, being held and smelling this papery vanilla smell that hung onto Sugawara’s neck.

Sugawara rubbed his back gently when Tsukishima’s crying died out and it turned into sniffling. A loud sound of a horn blared into the air, causing Sugawara’s head to move as he turned towards the sound. He pulled away and looked into his puffy face with a calming smile.

“Are you okay?”

Tsukishima nodded sheepishly, wiping his face with his dirt covered hands.

“Alright, let’s head back. It sounds like it’s over now.” The two walked back together, Tsukishima trying to breathe deeply and rub his face so it wasn’t as noticeable that he was just sobbing in the woods.

When they emerged, they noticed a group of kids cheering and jeering, the jeering mostly led by Tanaka and Yamamoto with help from Nishinoya. Tsukishima followed Sugawara to the crowd that was tired and decidedly not celebrating anything. Tsukishima ended up catching Kageyama’s eye, but he was determined to avoid that direction for the end of time. He would probably never hear the end of it, the time that the notorious Tsukishima Kei cried like a baby when Kageyama pinned him down in capture the flag.

But when he woke up the next morning, there was radio silence. Not about capture the flag, of course, the Ares and Aphrodite kids were bragging like they usually were, but Tsukishima didn’t hear anything about himself. Or anything the next day or the day after that.

He peered over at the Ares table in the middle of the next week while the hype over the last game was dying down. Kageyama seemed to be acting normally among his siblings, which is to say he was mostly silent while focusing on chowing down on his food, occasionally listening to others’ conversations.

His eyes flitted to Tsukishima’s within the crowd, who looked away, his face and ears growing hot. He didn’t care what he thought about him. He didn’t care how he appeared to him. And  _ he  _ didn’t care about Kageyama Tobio. He didn’t care about his stupid talent or his stupid eyes and stupid face. He really didn’t care.

But he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Mostly, he thought, because he spilled his heart to him, but that was on accident. And then there was the campfire that night.

Tsukishima went to most of the campfires, less so in the summer since it was so hot. So he debated on going to this one or not, but he decided to, just to enjoy the quiet of the crackling fire and the murmuring voices and laughter in the distance.

He usually sat alone. When he was younger he would sit with Ukai, but now he was gone, so he was fine sitting with himself. He held his plate of food, moving to hold up the tradition of shoving some food into the fire as a tribute to the gods. He wondered, this time, who would be looking down to receive his offering. His dad? Whoever that was? Someone who was just there at the moment, checking on one of their other kids? Or whoever he would think of first? He thought of Hermes. Whether he was his actual father or not, he allowed him to stay in his cabin.

He sighed before noticing someone sit next to him. When he looked over, he expected to see one of his siblings, or even Yamaguchi. Campfires were for friends and family and, sometimes, significant others. Campfires were not for Kageyama Tobio.

“What are you doing here?” Tsukishima muttered. He was immediately on the defensive. At first, Kageyama didn’t look at him, he just pushed some food into the fire and stared as smoke sputtered out from the spot of his offering.

Kageyama met his eyes. His dark ones looked fierce with the reflection of the fire on them. Tsukishima tensed at his look. He was beginning to feel creeped out each mounting second the boy in front of him sat in silence. A weird tingling feeling crept up his neck and made him want to scratch it.

“What?” He was starting to get nervous, his expression faltering into something unsure.

Kageyama looked away again. “Who do you send your offering to?” he asked quietly.

Tsukishima scowled, defiantly not pouting in front of this boy. “Why do you care?” He looked back at the fire.

“I dedicate mine to my father, Ares. But… I didn’t think about the people who don’t really know who…”

Tsukishima grit his teeth, squeezing his own knee. “Did you just come here to make fun of me or to make me angry?”

“N-no, I--” He glanced at Kageyama from the corner of his eye who was looking down at his lap frustratedly. “I could help you. With, like, using a sword, I mean…” he grumbled.

“What? No, looking at your face pisses me off.”

Kageyama’s mouth fell open in disbelief. He stood, his fists clenched at his sides. “I’m trying to be nice to you!” Tsukishima tensed when he noticed a few of the pairs and couples look toward them.

“Why, because you think I need help? I don’t want your pity.” Tsukishima crossed his arms. He felt a rough hand suddenly on the front of his shirt, and he stumbled as he was pulled up.

“Hey, guys, take it somewhere else,” Semi from the Aphrodite cabin stood up. “Or better yet, don’t fight at all.”

Tsukishima pushed off Kageyama’s grip on his shirt and stomped off towards the cabins. He didn’t know Kageyama was following him until he felt him forcibly turn him around.

“What now? Why do you even care what I think of you?” Tsukishima could only just tell from the dimming summer light this time of night that the skin on Kageyama’s cheekbones darkened. He clenched his teeth, looking like he was about to lunge at Tsukishima again. He took an unconscious step back, sensing the danger that always came with Kageyama Tobio.

“Haven’t  _ you  _ ever cared what other people thought of you?”

“No,” Tsukishima crossed his arms, but surprised himself by how much that felt like a lie only after he said it. “Haven’t  _ you  _ ever thought that maybe I’m just an asshole?”

“Yeah, I have!” Kageyama stormed off this time, not getting even one hit off Tsukishima, which he thought was rare. He just huffed and rolled his eyes. What was that all about? Kageyama hadn’t ever tried to be nice to him before--not like he gave him a chance to… But this wasn’t only his fault. He was as much at fault as Tsukishima for all those quarrels they’d gotten into before. But now? Kageyama trying to be nice to him? It was almost disgusting just thinking about it. There was no reason for him to kiss-up to Tsukishima, no reason for the two of them to like each other. He decided to head to bed. Even though he wasn’t tired, he couldn’t go back to the campfire since he already left there angrily. He didn’t have anywhere else to go, Kageyama made sure of that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm currently writing the eighth and final chapter while listening to music and i noticed that in lady gaga's bad romance, she repeatedly says "i dont want to be friends" and i think thats beautiful

Tsukishima thought he might be starting to like boys. When he was younger, he never really had an interest in having crushes, no matter the gender. He’d never really thought about his sexuality in general because of that. So once he was on the flip side of puberty, still growing and his voice getting a little bit deeper, he’d been starting to have strange thoughts about random people. And he was beginning to understand why people looked at porn.

It was making him frustrated. He didn’t want to have to deal with these feelings. Or any feelings. It was easier if he didn’t.

He sat on the grass next to the lake, despite the weather getting colder, especially with the wind that would blow across the lake. But he didn’t mind the cold weather. He was born in the fall, after all.

“Tsukki!” He heard Yamaguchi’s call and his closer panting breaths. He only looked over when he saw him arrive next to him, sitting as well. They agreed yesterday to meet here, just to hang out. Yamaguchi smiled widely at him. “How does it feel to finally be fourteen? Any different?”

Before he could answer something dumb, a voice interrupted him.

“Ah, so that was your birthday yesterday?” He soured in recognition of the voice. Kuroo had become increasingly annoying the more he tried to hang out with Tsukishima, but he wasn’t necessarily bad company. Looking over, the son of Nemesis was with his own best friend, Bokuto, the only son of Zues. Bokuto grinned widely.

“Yeah, weren’t you at the party?”

“Oh, yeah, but I didn’t pay much attention to whose birthday it was,” he said as he sat down on the grass as well.

“Oi, Tsukki,” Bokuto greeted. Tsukishima ignored him.

“I didn’t invite you to sit next to me,” Tsukishima aimed at Kuroo.

“Oh, don’t be so mean, Tsukki.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“He gets to call you that,” Bokuto gestured to Tsukishima’s other side where Yamaguchi sat.

“Yeah, and?” Tsukishima’s words were challenging; Bokuto raised a suspicious eyebrow. Tsukishima narrowed his eyes at him. “I’m surprised your boyfriend’s not here, Bokuto. Aren’t you two joined at the lips?”

Bokuto’s face reddened. “What?! He’s not--we’re not--” he huffed and crossed his arms. “Akaashi is… doing other stuff.”

Tsukishima smirked at his reaction. “Aw, do you miss him?”

Bokuto opened his mouth to make a retort, but decidedly closed it, giving him silence instead.

“And what about you, Tsukishima?” Kuroo raised an eyebrow.

“What do I what? Miss Akaashi? Not particularly, no.”

“I’m talking about have a boyfriend,” he grinned.

He frowned, hoping his face wasn’t betraying him at all in how awkward he felt at the question. “Obviously not.”

“Oh,  _ obviously _ . What about a crush?” Kuroo nudged his shoulder into Tsukishima’s. Sugawara’s face flashed in his mind, and he tried his darndest not to blush.

“No.”

“Mhm.” Kuroo tapped his nose, making Tsukishima glare at him. He jumped up, followed by Bokuto. “We just came by to say hi. And oh, happy birthday.” He wiggled his fingers in a wave to the two boys and left. Tsukishima uncrossed his legs and hugged them to him.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi probed.

“I might,” he whispered.

“What?”

“I might have a crush.”

Yamaguchi gasped. “On who?”

Tsukishima glanced at him cautiously. He knew he would never tell a soul, he was a good friend. It was just embarrassing to admit he liked someone at all. He crossed his arms over his knees and stuffed his face in them.

“Sugawara,” he mumbled so it was barely intelligible.

“Sugawara. Hm,” Yamaguchi tested the name on his tongue. “He  _ is  _ pretty attractive. And he’s really nice. Does he like guys?”

“I think so.” Tsukishima let himself peek out of his arms. Yamaguchi was wearing a calm and understanding expression. “Well what about you?”

“Huh?” Yamaguchi started, his cheeks and nose growing pink.

“Has Yachi expressed any interest in anybody?”

At this, Yamaguchi’s face reddened enough to make him look like a cherry tomato. “W-what? What does Yachi have to do with anything?”

“Come on, Yamaguchi, you think I wouldn’t notice?”

He winced. “Is it really noticeable?”

“A little, but I don’t think people who don’t know you well would pick up on it easily.” He watched Yamaguchi’s shoulders relax. Tsukishima shrugged. “I don’t know why you never told me,” he unfolded one arm and used it to mindlessly pluck the grass beside him. “But I don’t mind too much. Yachi’s… nice.” He was hesitant to say cute. She had a nice face but he wasn’t attracted to her at all. He tried to think of other girls around camp, maybe about Kiyoko who everyone admired, but he didn’t feel anything when picturing her in his mind. He probably just didn’t like girls. Which was fine. It was normal to be straight, it was normal to be gay. It was all pretty normal around here.

“She’s friendly and you guys seem to be good friends,” he added to assure Yamaguchi.

“You think she’d like me?” He pulled on a piece of his hair nervously.

“Well, she definitely likes you, but I have no way of knowing if she likes you in  _ that  _ way.”

Yamaguchi’s shoulders slumped, but he nodded in agreement. They sat in relative silence, occasionally mentioning something weird one of their brothers did recently. The two didn’t normally hold long conversations, unless it was just Yamaguchi talking at Tsukishima about random things that would come to his mind, or if Tsukishima was discussing his recent reads. Currently, he was reading a random book in ancient Greek he found about some war long ago.

When they were getting hungry for lunch, they stole off towards the pavilion. People usually had lunch at different times, as everyone was usually doing different things during the day, but dinner was a camp-wide event. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi sat together since both of their tables were relatively empty.

“I was going to practice archery after lunch, want to come?”

Tsukishima thought for a moment. Archery wasn’t as labor intensive as swordsmanship. And he didn’t have to worry too much about shooting himself; at most, if he messed up, he’d shoot someone else. He shrugged.

“Sure, why not.”

Yamaguchi’s face lit up. He was excited enough to chow down on his food then stare at Tsukishima until he finished his. The moment he put his fork down, Yamaguchi grabbed his hand and pulled him off toward the armory.

“Yama--wait--” he nearly tripped over the bench at the table and struggled to finish chewing the food that was still in his mouth.

“Hmm? I don’t see you two around here often.” Tsukishima saw Tanaka from the Ares cabin sitting on a bench and polishing his sword. He was grinning which put a wriggling feeling in Tsukishima’s stomach; he looked like he was up to something, even though he was sure that was just his usual face.

“We’re here to do some practicing. Do you have any tips on which bows to use?” Yamaguchi spoke for the two of them.

“For archery?” Tanaka looked at them up and down, looking a bit pensive for once. “How much experience do you have?”

“Not much, but I have more than Tsukishima does,” he smiled abashedly. Tsukishima stared, decidedly not saying anything.

“Well, these bows over here are more so for beginners. We’ll get you hooked up with these until I think you guys are ready for something more suited to you.” The two of them nodded and took in hand the ones that Tanaka gave them. “Uh, I just got finished with my personal practice, but I’m not doing anything right now so if you want I can help you out?”

“Oh, definitely! I know I need all the help I can get,” Yamaguchi laughed.

“Your dad’s Apollo, I doubt you need that much help!” Tanaka laughed with him. He glanced to Tsukishima. There was a ferocity in his eyes; he evaded the look.

“Sure,” he muttered.

They traveled outside after Tanaka retrieved a bucket of arrows for the two of them. He set them in front of two targets. “Hmm, this would be easier if I had some help…” He heard Tanaka mumble to himself. He glanced around and his eyes blew in recognition. “Ah, Kageyama!” He waved excitedly. Tsukishima scowled when he saw the boy’s black hair and striking blue eyes from across the way. He was on the other side of the archery targets, finishing sparring with Kita, the current head of the Athena cabin.

He couldn’t tell what he was thinking; Kageyama’s expression was strangely void of emotions.

“You think you could help me out over here?” Tanaka called.

Tsukishima watched him say a few words to Kita who held his sword loosely at his side and shook his head. They waved to each other and split, Kageyama nearing the trio in the archery field. He barely looked at Tsukishima before facing his older brother.

“I was going to help these two practice, but I don’t think I can help both of them at once,” Tanaka glanced uneasily at Tsukishima. “Why don’t you see if Yamaguchi has a good form, and I’ll work with Tsukishima.”

Kageyama nodded. He didn’t say anything, but he glanced at Tsukishima who had been staring at him the entire time. He couldn’t help his eyes widen when he ran a hand through his hair. Tsukishima frowned and turned to face the target.

“Alright, show me what you got.”

“What?”

“Show me how you hold the bow. I’ll see what needs fixing.”

Tsukishima straightened his posture, turning so he was perpendicular to the target. He held up the bow loosely. He glanced at Tanaka who was now behind him.

“Alright. Firstly straighten this arm; if you hold the bow so loose, there’s more of a chance of injury or taking a stray shot. You need it stable,” he pulled his arm straight. Tsukishima then felt one of Tanaka’s legs move between his. He tensed. He really didn’t have a sense of personal space, did he? He pushed on Tsukishima’s right foot with his own. “Widen your stance more, don’t look so casual. Take the string with two of your fingers--” He did. “And lift this arm. Even though it’s bent, you want to keep it level with your leading arm, okay?” Now, the older boy’s chest could be felt at Tsukishima’s back. He swallowed, feeling his heart thumping wildly. What was going on with him? Maybe he was just reacting like this because he was starting to like boys. That was it. Maybe whatever he felt when seeing Kageyama brush the hair out of his eyes was just because he was looking for a certain something in every male around him. But he never felt anything when looking at Yamaguchi, he was too much of a friend for him.

Tsukishima almost felt like yelling at Tanaka to stop touching him; his insides were overwhelmed with fluttering feelings and warm sensations. But he had a nagging feeling that those physical reactions were tells, signs telling him that this was what he liked, and maybe who he liked. He had this before with Sugawara, but it was more muted; even though he’s hugged the silver-haired boy before, the touch felt less physical somehow and just more comforting. So what was the difference? Which type of feeling meant that he liked someone?

He nodded to Tanaka, his breathing turning shaky.

“Alright, let’s try with an arrow.” Tanaka backed off. Tsukishima felt a chill run down his back once there was an absence of the other boy’s body heat. It made him feel uneasy. He looked over at Yamaguchi, hoping Kageyama wasn’t touching him like that. Thankfully, he wasn’t, he was purely instructing, standing a healthy distance away from Yamaguchi. Maybe Tanaka was just touchy.

He managed to nock an arrow in his bow well enough. When he released, Tanaka let out a whistle. Tsukishima felt his face heat. The arrow had made it between two of the outer rings.

“Pretty good for a beginner. Maybe you’ll upgrade your bow faster than I thought,” he clapped a hand on Tsukishima’s back, making him stumble forward slightly. He heard Tanaka laugh.

During their arrow practice, Tsukishima managed to get all his arrows in a similar placement, but no bullseyes. Yamaguchi, on the other hand, said he was lucky and got one. Yamaguchi smiled and waved to Kageyama as they were leaving. Tsukishima frowned. Kageyama glanced at Tsukishima before he went off to say something to Tanaka.

“What, so you’re friends with him now?” Tsukishima crossed his arms after putting away the bows and forearm guards.

“He’s nice and helpful, in his own way. You should ask him to help you with swordsmanship. You guys are getting better right? You haven’t really fought in a while.”

It was true him and Kageyama hadn’t quarrelled since that night at the campfire. But he wouldn’t call that them “getting better.” He didn’t even know what that meant. Like that they were getting friendly? Not a chance.

“That’s just because I don’t want to deal with him.” He felt a little uneasy at the answer; he felt like he was lying to Yamaguchi, and although he’s lied to him before, he didn’t like doing it. And Yamaguchi could usually tell. But he had a feeling them not fighting had something to do with that time they met in the woods during capture the flag. He felt embarrassed just thinking about it.

The two friends ended up saying goodbye to each other. Yamaguchi wanted to go help his older brother Asahi in the infirmary some more. Tsukishima assumed he wanted to get more experience so he could help out after the next time they played capture the flag, which was usually only in the summer. Seeing as it was almost October, it was going to be a while.

He found himself walking towards the Athena cabin. His hands ended up grabbing onto the hem of his shirt. The door was open. He stood on the steps and peeked in. He didn’t want to enter without being invited in. He noticed Kita in front of him, hair wet and caught together. He guessed he showered.

“Do you need something?”

“Uh, um… Is Sugawara here?”

“Suga, you have a visitor.” He gestured to the inside of the cabin, and Tsukishima stepped past the threshold. No one was in the cabin except Kita and Sugawara, who he noticed was sitting on a bed against the wall the door was on.

“Tsukishima. What a pleasant surprise. What brings you here?” He smiled. He seemed to be working on some type of arts and craft, which he slid over on his bed so there was room next to him. He patted the newly cleared space. Tsukishima glanced around to Kita who seemed to be cleaning up and not paying attention. He sat next to Sugawara on his bed awkwardly.

“Um, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something?” He asked quietly.

“Of course, I’ve told you before that you’re welcome here any time.”

“Okay, um,” he stared at his lap. He felt so awkward talking about this, especially with Sugawara, someone he thought he might have a crush on. What if he thought this was all stupid and rediculed him? Or laughed? But his presence was comforting and reassuring; he felt that somehow, he could tell him anything. He took a deep breath.

“I’ve… never really felt like I’ve had a crush on someone before. I just didn’t really care when I was younger. But recently, I…” he felt his cheeks heat up, and he nervously pushed his glasses up his nose. He bit his lip.

“You like someone?” Sugawara offered. Tsukishima was almost surprised how soft his voice was. He nodded hesitantly.

“I think so. But there’s a couple people…” he glanced at Sugawara’s understanding face for a second before looking away again. “I wanted to ask how you know if you like someone?”

“Since you haven’t before,” Sugawara nodded. “Well, when you like someone, usually that’s someone who makes you happy, someone you want to be around. You think about them a lot and want to get to know them more if you don’t already. You might even feel nervous around them. I don’t personally know why we get like that, but I guess it has something to do with wanting the other person to like you back.” Tsukishima looked up at the older boy.

“It’s pretty complicated, but I think that’s how someone would normally feel. Although, not every situation is the same and some people deal with their feelings in a different way,” Sugawara continued.

“What do you mean?” Tsukishima asked.

“Mm, for example, some kids don’t know how to deal with or express their feelings and end up lashing out at the other person and being mean to them.”

Tsukishima felt his face getting warm again. The first person he thought of was Kageyama. He almost wanted to laugh. He knew that wasn’t the reason he didn’t like Kageyama, but he couldn’t help think of it anyway. He  _ didn’t like  _ Kageyama. He decided to ignore that bit of information. It didn’t seem helpful. Though, if Yamaguchi found out, he’d probably make the connection and poke fun at him for getting into all those fights with Kageyama.

This didn’t necessarily answer the question of who he liked, or who he thought he liked. Maybe he was just making it all up in his head, and he didn’t actually like anybody. He was just nervous because he was sitting next to an attractive boy who intimidated him a bit. Maybe he only reacted that way with Tanaka because he felt like his touching was an invasion of personal space, and he got nervous because of that. There were plenty of other reasons besides him actually liking someone that would make him feel that way.

“Did that make sense?”

Tsukishima exhaled calmly. “Yes, I think so.”

He left the Athena cabin without any worries or crushes in the world.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kind of want to apologize for updating so frequently; people probably wont complain about it but ive just been wanting to keep a regularity in updates with my fics, but since i already finished writing this and have just been editing it, im impatient and want to get it out there lol  
> few things to note this chapter: it's been feeling a bit awkward to me bc of how suddenly things seem to happen but idk any other way to write it. also i wanted to add terushima to the fic but i realized with three chapters already it might be too late so that's why he just appears randomly (only in mention, though).  
> anyway, enjoy this next chapter!

It was the summer after Tsukishima’s fifteenth birthday, and he just kept getting taller. Yamaguchi had grown a bit, too, to both of their surprise. Tsukishima was now taller than a lot of the older boys at camp, which made him feel awkward. However, despite it all, he hadn’t really changed. He was doing the same old things with the same old people, and he was content. Except, the older he got, the more people pushed him to train with the weapons he didn’t really care for, saying it was for his own good or that it was in preparation for a future quest. That last bit did scare him a bit, but he remained wary. Yamaguchi had gotten pretty good with a bow and arrow, but he said he preferred a sword.

Tsukishima hadn’t improved his sword skills at all because Yamaguchi would always tell him to let Kageyama teach him. Of course, he would refuse.

“I can’t let this happen…” Atsumu was near (fake) tears. “I can’t let my own little brother be so shitty at sparring. I can’t face it.”

“Deal with it because it’s not going to happen,” Tsukishima dismissed him. He was lying on his bed, reading a book. It was one he’d read before, but he liked it, so he prefered silence while reading it.

“Osamu!”

“You can’t force him to do it. If he  _ wants  _ to be the worst, laziest, bottom of the barrel swordsman in camp, that’s his choice.”

Tsukishima scowled at his book. “If I  _ want  _ to learn how to wield a sword I can just ask Yamaguchi or something.”

“But wouldn’t you want one of the Ares kids to teach you, though? They practically eat, breathe, and sleep with a sword in their hands,” Atsumu leaned against the wall while he sat on Osamu’s bed, his twin’s feet resting on his lap as he read some sort of magazine.

“If you really want me to, I can ask Tanaka or something.” He was the first person he thought of. Tanaka had helped him with archery, and he offered to help with swords before, but he always got busy at those times.

Atsumu gasped. “Really? Oh gods, imagine if we could actually win a capture the flag game more than twice in a summer.”

“Oh, you’re blaming that on me, now? Last time, I remember you used the last game as an excuse to go make out with Kita.”

“I--what? I didn’t--”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Tsukishima stood from his bed. “That didn’t count because it was only a one time thing.” He heard Osamu snicker as he left their cabin. This wasn’t the first or even third time they’d bugged him about this, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. Even his older brother Terushima was getting on him about it, even though he was never around. He was getting tired of it so he might as well do something about it.

He glanced over to the large field outside of the armory and saw only Daichi throwing spears at mannequins. He thought it was strange, since Daichi and Sugawara were together constantly now that their relationship was public. Tsukishima (along with most other people) hadn’t known that they were dating in secret, until a couple months ago he found them making out in the woods behind the strawberry fields. That was also the moment he decided to drop any feelings he might’ve had towards Sugawara. Not just because he had apparently been in a relationship, but because after he ran away out of embarrassment once he saw Sugawara grab Daichi’s butt, he didn’t feel as hurt as he would if he actually liked the boy. So he settled that, and within the week, the two were already being lovey-dovey by the campfire. Tsukishima sighed and opened the door to the armory. What fond memories he had.

When he looked up and only saw one person inside, he was only slightly disappointed that he couldn’t train with Tanaka. When he noticed that person was a tall, black haired and dark blue eyed boy, he felt queasy. He didn’t want to deal with him right now.

Kageyama furrowed his brows. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to train. Is it that hard to believe?” He was expecting a comeback, but Kageyama only looked to the side.

“Oh. Right.”

“Where’s Tanaka? He’s usually here this time of day, isn’t he?”  
“He hurt himself during training today. He’s at the infirmary.”

Tsukishima tensed and parted his lips.

“It wasn’t that bad, you don’t have to worry,” Kageyama said quickly. He looked reluctant to say what he said next. “I can always… help you train?”

“No,” Tsukishima turned to leave.

“Why not?”

“Why not?” He repeated, turning back to look at Kageyama’s dumb, maybe a little bit attractive face. The fact that he was attractive on top of him being a genius only pissed Tsukishima off more. “Do you want me to spell it out for you?”

“I don’t hate you,” Kageyama blurted out. “I don’t even dislike you,” he said it quieter, as if there was something else behind those words. “I stopped a long time ago.”

“Really? When was that?” Tsukishima was almost laughing, his arms crossed over his chest.

Kageyama looked away from him. “When we fought in capture the flag.” Tsukishima’s mocking smile fell, and he tightened his arms to his chest. “I only hated you because you hated me, but now,” he pressed his lips together and looked hard at Tsukishima. He kept waiting and staring; he knew there were more words coming. “I’ve gotten past that. And you should too.”

Tsukishima didn’t know what to say in response. But he didn’t have to say anything, because Kageyama spoke for him.

“I know you don’t hate me.”

Right as Tsukishima was about to correct those words, something in his mind stopped him. Because he was right. He didn’t hate him. Not anymore. He didn’t hold that grudge against him anymore. Whenever he looked at Kageyama, he didn’t feel hatred, only the familiar dullness of how his hatred toward him used to feel. But now… what now? What exactly did he feel when he looked at Kageyama Tobio?

“Then what?” Tsukishima let his arms fall. “We just forget the past few years?”

“Yeah.”

Tsukishima was almost as shocked at how dumb Kageyama sounded than at what just went through his head. He rolled his eyes.

“Tsukishima.”

“What?” He snapped. He wasn’t angry, just uncomfortable. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like what this implied. That they were friends? That they were cool now? He spent years hating him, or what he thought was hating him. They couldn’t just have a “normal” relationship. But when he looked back up at Kageyama, he was holding out the handle of a wooden sword to Tsukishima. He stared at it in disbelief. He couldn’t take it. But he knew, for whatever reason he couldn’t quite figure out yet, that he  _ wanted  _ to take it.

He grimaced when he saw his own hand already reaching out for the sword in Kageyama’s hand. He slowly retracted his hand.

“What are you afraid of?” Tsukishima clenched his hand into a fist. “What people will think? Why does it matter?”

“I don’t know!” Tsukishima yelled. He felt defeated. He pinched the bridge of his nose under his glasses. He wanted to take a nap or something. Maybe Kunimi could put him in a coma so he didn’t have to deal with this shit again.

“Stop being so stubborn and take the gods damn sword!”

“Fine!” He snatched the sword out of his hand and felt his face get hot. He noticed Kageyama smirking and felt the back of his neck tingling. He rubbed the back of his neck to try to get rid of the feeling. “I can’t believe  _ you’re  _ calling  _ me  _ stubborn,” he grumbled as he followed Kageyama outside. He immediately felt embarrassment, felt like eyes were on them, suspicious or accusing. He hated this feeling. He wanted to flee from Kageyama, just to be rid of it.

“If you’re still angry, then fight it out,” Kageyama offered a crooked smile that just looked unsure. “That’s what I do.”

Tsukishima exhaled forcefully and faced Kageyama, sword in hand. He gripped it tightly. He was frustrated by how embarrassed and uncomfortable he felt right now. He knew he shouldn’t, but this felt so strange to him, being friendly, or at least indifferent, towards Kageyama.

Once they began to spar, Kageyama would occasionally give him tips; stand with a wider stance so he’d be more stable and couldn’t be knocked down as easily, he could hit his opponent with both the flat or edge of his blade. Obviously here, the wood of the training sword would only give each other bruises at the most.

Tsukishima managed a hit or two on Kageyama, but ended up doing what he said and took his anger out on Kageyama’s sword. Kageyama knocked his sword out of his hand, but he picked it back up, the weight of the wood feeling more familiar in his hand by the minute. They worked their way around each other, trying to find openings they hadn’t already.

They barely realized the sky was darkening until Yamaguchi ran over to the two of them, the light from the setting sun making his face a soft orange.

“Tsukki! There you are…” he glanced between him and Kageyama, a worried look coming over his face. “Um, it’s time for dinner.”

Tsukishima lowered his sword, panting while his glasses slid down from the sweat. He lifted the edge of his shirt to wipe off his face under his glasses; he felt Kageyama’s eyes on him. When he looked back up, Kageyama was looking to the side almost abashedly. He watched his mouth open and close minutely as he panted, alongside the rise and fall of his shoulders.

They nodded to each other in an understanding, whatever that understanding was. After they put their weapons back, the three of them walked side by side in silence. Yamaguchi only pulled Tsukishima aside once Kageyama retreated to the Ares table in the mess hall.

“Tsukki, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. We’re fine, I think.”

Yamaguchi’s features gradually widened and brightened as he came to recognize what he referred to. Tsukishima pushed him away before he could become excited and headed to his table.

“You fucking smell,” Atsumu told him. “Make sure to take a shower after this.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled. But the shower did give him time to think. He didn’t know if he wanted to become “friends” with Kageyama, or if they even could. He could deal with them being sparring partners for now, or however long. Being around him, even if he knew now that they technically didn’t hate each other anymore, still made him antsy. He blamed it on the uncomfortable feeling, the “what would people think” feeling. He’d been so focused on hating him for years, he was sure there would be ridicule and teasing and anything alike.

He sighed, feeling the hot water rush down his face. Things didn’t seem so complicated before, when he could just hate him for something he knew wasn’t even his fault. He wasn’t even angry about it anymore, he was more so resigned at the fact that he was never going to be claimed. Now six years at Camp Half Blood, there was nothing for him to do but face it and ignore it or get over it.

He turned off the shower and grabbed his towel, drying himself before putting it around his waist. He grabbed for his glasses which were now unfortunately fogged up. He didn’t hear any other showers on, but once he walked out, he found himself facing a wet, muscular back. He swallowed and made eye-contact with the boy in the mirror that was in front of them. Tanaka turned and grinned at Tsukishima.

“Hey, what’s up! I heard you were looking for me earlier?” He raised an eyebrow. Tsukishima’s eyes traveled down his pecs to his abs to the towel that was low around his hips. He looked away, feeling warm and very self-conscious.

“I was just wondering if we could--if you could help me train, but, um, I trained with someone else.” Tsukishima mentally cursed to himself. He’s never been this nervous around Tanaka before. Then again, he’d never seen him dripping wet wearing only a towel before. He tried to take deep breaths and not think traitorous thoughts.

“Oh, Kageyama said you hurt yourself during training? Are you alright?” He swallowed, attempting to maintain a straight face.

“Yeah,” he held out his arm. There was a deep red gash on his bicep. “It isn’t as painful as it looks,” he assured Tsukishima. “I just need to dress it before I put clothes on.”

“I can… help you…” Tsukishima found himself speaking before he could help himself. He immediately wanted to take it back. Tanaka grinned.

“Put my clothes on?”

Tsukishima felt his entire body heat; he could feel his heart pulsing roughly in his chest, like it was ready to crawl out of his throat. “N-no, obviously--that’s not what I meant!”

Tanaka cackled with a hand on his stomach. “I was just joking! I’d love to be in your loving care.”

No matter how much he didn’t want to be rude, he just couldn’t meet Tanaka’s eyes.

Tsukishima stood close to him, faces merely centimeters apart, but he tried to ignore that fact. He may have been taller than Tanaka, but the fact that he was bent over to inspect his arm made him feel closer. He dried the area as best he could, put salve on it, then a thin bandage around his arm. Tsukishima could feel the other’s muscles tensing underneath his fingers, and he prayed to the gods that he wouldn’t get heat stroke by the warmth piling in his face.

He stepped back, admiring his work. He of course had basic first aid training, but it’s not like he did this stuff often.

“Thanks, Tsukishima!” Tanaka gave him a wide smile.

Tsukishima tried to exhale normally. “It’s nothing…”

After he dressed in one of the stalls, he brushed his teeth and headed back to the Hermes cabin for some night-time reading. It was noisier than he would’ve liked, with his only slightly younger brother Inuoka talking excitedly with his friend Lev from Aphrodite. Tsukishima personally didn’t think Lev fit in with the other Aphrodite kids, but he was definitely pretty.

Tsukishima woke up later than usual the next morning. It wasn’t like he had any obligations, especially on a Saturday. The sun shone brightly on his face, forcing him to sit up, awake. He mentally cursed Apollo and checked the clock on the wall of his cabin. It was a little past ten.

He had a small breakfast, watching Oikawa follow Iwaizumi out of the mess hall, flirting with him publicly and shamelessly. Tsukishima found it amusing how both flustered and irritated Iwaizumi looked. He continued to people-watch when the two older teenagers were out of his sight; he saw Hinata run into the mess hall to scarf down a bowl of oatmeal and just as quickly run back out to train, he assumed. He saw Kenma and Kunimi, both sons of Hypnos, leaning on each other as they sat for their late breakfast. Tsukishima waved to his brother Kindaichi as he went to sit with the two half-sleeping boys. Tsukishima was surprised they were awake at all at this time of day. He thought he saw Kuroo and Bokuto from afar and quickly finished his breakfast in order to avoid the two loud demigods.

He headed for the lake yet slowed down when he saw no sign of Yamaguchi at their usual quiet hangout spot. He frowned. He checked the infirmary first, the second most likely spot. He nodded to Nishinoya who was getting his hand wrapped by Asahi but ducked out before he could yell to him. Something must’ve happened at the forge.

He checked the arts and crafts area, which was unlikely for Yamaguchi to be in, and only found Fukunaga concentrating on what looked like origami animals, which made him suspicious. He also checked the armory, which he stole away from quickly when he saw Tendou sharpening a dagger inside. He was always cautious around the son of Ares, but only because he was so unpredictable. He hoped he never faced him in capture the flag.

He even checked the forge for his best friend, for whatever reason. He sighed and headed toward the Apollo cabin. He couldn’t believe he was sleeping in this late. Was he sick?  
He stood in the doorway, looking in. There wasn’t anyone in there except a lump under a blanket on Yamaguchi’s bed. The Apollo kids were normally early risers, so he didn’t expect him to be sleeping.

“Yamaguchi?” He heard a grunt in response and took that as an invitation to enter. He stood next to the bed, a healthy distance away. “Are you sick?”

Yamaguchi peeked out from under the blanket. His eyes were sad. Not sick, Tsukishima decided. He sat next to Yamaguchi’s curled up form and waited for him to speak. Yamaguchi sat up, wrapping himself in the purple blanket he had. He looked at the fuzz sticking out of the blanket and sighed.

“I think Yachi and I became too good of friends.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“I thought it would be until she started telling me about a crush she had.”

Tsukishima winced. He didn’t really know the feeling, but he could imagine it.

“Apparently she’s really into Kiyoko. I mean, I get it. Who isn’t?” Well, Tsukishima thought, most of the people who call her Kiyoko. She only lets people who don’t hit on her call her Kiyoko. Everyone else is only allowed to call her Shimizu.  
“Does she even like guys?”

Yamaguchi sighed. “I don’t know. There’s no helping it if she doesn’t but…”

“Would you still… hang out with her?”

“Of course!” Yamaguchi tightened the blanket around him. “I love being friends with her, and I still will be no matter what. I’m just… a little upset…”

Tsukishima thought for a moment. “Do you want to go lay by the lake and think about nothing?”

Yamaguchi laughed. “Our usual Saturday morning activities then?”

Tsukishima smiled. He thought the routine was a good thing. He waited for Yamaguchi to get dressed and took some food for him while they were headed to the lake. Tsukishima laid on his back in the grass and watched the clouds while Yamaguchi ate his breakfast--or maybe it was considered brunch?-- and looked around at any of the passersby in the camp.

Tsukishima closed his eyes and listened to the sounds around them. He thought he could hear some splashing in the lake; probably some other campers. He heard some yelling and laughing far off, but couldn’t tell which direction each came from. He heard a small breeze and how it rattled the leaves on nearby trees. He heard some footsteps on the grass coming from his left, which was the side Yamaguchi was not on so it wasn’t him walking away.

“Can I… sit here?”

His eyes opened at the familiar voice. He saw Kageyama staring down at him mostly instead of Yamaguchi. He was a little pissed off that this wasn’t the first time he’d looked down at him like this before.

“Doesn’t matter to me,” he said, putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes again. There was silence for a slow minute.

“Are you two… friends?” Yamaguchi asked quietly.

Tsukishima said “no” at about the same time Kageyama said “not yet.” He opened his eyes only to glare at him. Kageyama looked like he regretted saying it when he met Tsukishima’s eyes.

“But you’re… hanging out?” It didn’t sound too much like a question, and Tsukishima didn’t think he meant it like one given the fact that he sounded so optimistic.

Tsukishima sighed. “Unfortunately.” He knew without looking that Kageyama was probably frowning, so he smirked with satisfaction. But when he opened his eyes again to confirm his assumptions, he saw Kageyama was looking down at him with a small smile. He felt something close to his stomach turning over and sat up reluctantly, leaning back on his hands. He saw Yamaguchi’s smile widen, all toothy and open-mouthed.

“Oh, finally! It was torture seeing you guys fight all the time, you have no idea,” he scooted on his knees in front of Tsukishima so the three boys were sitting in a triangle.

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow. “And you two have been friends for how long?”  
Yamaguchi’s smile faltered, but he tried to save it without much effort. “J-just for a little while…”

“You always said that you were friend _ ly, _ not that you were friends.”

“Oh, come on, Tsukishima, why does it matter now?” Kageyama cut in.

“It matters now because he didn’t tell me before.”

“Well, he’s telling you now, isn’t that good enough?”

“It’s not, because we tell each other things.  _ We’re  _ friends,” Tsukishima motioned between him and Yamaguchi. “So it hurts that he didn’t tell me. Don’t you have enough friends to know?”

“I’m sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said weakly, but the two other boys ignored him.

“Sorry I don’t have any close friends like you, I thought I was just starting to make them,” Kageyama stood and stormed off.

Tsukishima crossed his arms. Speaking with him made him angry. Or maybe he only knew how to communicate with him by fighting.

“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi glanced back to where Kageyama walked off before sitting closer to Tsukishima.

“Sorry I’m not very comfortable with talking with him. Why don’t you go and comfort your  _ friend _ ?” He felt a little guilty speaking like this to Yamaguchi, but he was irritated. He looked over reluctantly at Yamaguchi who hadn’t moved or spoke and was shocked to find his eyes teary.

“You  _ are  _ my friend, Tsukki. And obviously you’re upset about something so I’m here to comfort you. But if you don’t want me here, I’ll leave.”

He looked at the ground. He felt even more guilty. He knew he was an asshole, and sometimes he would throw meaningless insults to Yamaguchi, and both of them knew they didn’t mean anything. But he’d never made his best friend cry before. At least, that he remembers.

Tsukishima leaned over to put an arm around his friend’s shoulder, but flinched away in surprise when it was smacked away.

“If you want to apologize to me then go apologize to Kageyama.”

“What?”

“Did he do anything wrong? If he’s not used to having a close friend then he wouldn’t know why you got mad.”

Tsukishima was silent. Yamaguchi rarely spoke back like that. To anyone. He didn’t know what to say except to comply with him because maybe he was a bit right. He glanced at his knees covered in dark denim and stood.

“Fine.”

“I’ll stay here,” Yamaguchi stuck his chin out and crossed his arms defiantly. Tsukishima faced the open air, clenching and unclenching his fists. He didn’t want to go do this. Even though he knew he was in the wrong this time. He didn’t even know where Kageyama was. He exhaled frustratedly and walked toward the armory, which he thought was where he was most likely to be. He saw him in the field with a wooden sword, alone.

It was hard for him to believe that Kageyama didn’t have any close friends. With all those people he trained with or that fawned over the natural talent he had that made it clear he was his father’s son. He could even be friends with his siblings, but Tsukishima knew you could only get so close with siblings. Friends were different, you told different things to friends than to siblings.

“Kageyama,” he walked up to him. Kageyama swung his sword once more, this time in Tsukishima’s direction. He tensed. He knew he wasn’t quick enough to dodge, so he stuck his arm out in defense.

“Ow!” Tsukishima winced from the pain, sucking in a breath. It wouldn’t have hurt so bad if Kageyama didn’t pack so much strength in his swing. It probably didn’t break skin, but there would be a bruise. Some splinters if he was unlucky.

Kageyama’s eyes widened when he saw it was Tsukishima, and he immediately stepped back.

“Sorry, I--I didn’t know it was you, it was a reflex--”

“It’s fine,” Tsukishima rubbed his arm, not currently feeling any splinters, but there was already a bump against the edge of the bone in his forearm. Kageyama’s expression relaxed a bit, and he looked on at Tsukishima’s face expectantly. He was sweating a bit, more than he would be normally because of the summer heat, but Tsukishima thought he looked good like that. It almost seemed natural for him.

“Um… look, I just came to say… I’m sorry.” Kageyama’s face turned to one of light surprise. Tsukishima sighed. He felt annoyed but he couldn’t pinpoint a reason, so he blamed it on the fact that he had to voice his feelings for once. “I shouldn’t have yelled or said that stuff… It just…” he knew he shouldn’t make an excuse for his actions but he wanted to say this. “It just feels natural to… be angry and fight with you.”

“I know,” Kageyama said. “I think that’s why I, um, yelled back.” He took a deep breath. “Apparently I’m not very good at communicating, but Yamaguchi has been helping me a bit. So, uh, I don’t come at you with your issues and you don’t come at me with mine. Deal?”

It was clear to Tsukishima that he was bad with words, but he always thought it was just because he was rude, he didn’t know it was something he was struggling with. Tsukishima was fine with words, he just chose not to say them or not to say nice ones all the time.

“Deal.” He didn’t exactly want to be friends with Kageyama, but he felt like they were going to be anyway.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for a drowning scene at the end of the chapter, descriptions of panic and fear? he doesn't have a full on panic attack, necessarily but i want to warn in hopes that it doesn't trigger anyone. my original plan for the fic didn't include a drowning scene, i dont think, so sorry, it just kind of happened.

Yamaguchi had come to terms with the fact that he was never going to find love. Or, so he told Tsukishima. Tsukishima, on the other hand, didn’t think he cared about “finding love” no matter what his speedily beating heart or sweaty palms said about how he felt about Tanaka. Frankly, dating kind of scared him. At the very least, it unnerved him. He didn’t want to do it. He didn’t even know how you’d do it. Whenever he saw Daichi and Sugawara snuggling by the Campfire or acting way too inappropriate for the younger campers around when they were training, it just looked like it would make him uncomfortable if he was with someone like that. But as he got older, more of the kids his age seemed to be liking each other and getting into couples. Or just making out with each other. He thought it was kind of gross; he wouldn’t want to kiss someone like that if he wasn’t dating them? But it wasn’t his problem. His problem right now, was that he felt a little pressured. Not that anyone was asking to make out with him or anything, it was more of a societal thing.

He watched, while eating lunch with Yamaguchi and Kageyama, as another couple was practically made before his eyes. He rolled his own. He felt like he was going to throw up.

“Oh, come on, Tsukki, they look happy together,” Yamaguchi said rather feebly.

“You’re only saying that to defend your brother,” Tsukishima glared in the direction of Asahi and Nishinoya sitting very close together and holding hands in the middle of the mess hall, as if the pavilion wasn’t open to the public. Yamaguchi offered a tired smile.

“Well… he’s told me before about how he liked Nishinoya. But I think their personalities complement each other nicely, don’t you think?”

“The whole opposites attract schtick?” Tsukishima raised an eyebrow, a smirk already coming to his lips. “Sure. If that were true Oikawa and Iwaizumi would’ve gotten together a long time ago.” He shook his head. “It’s never going to happen as long as Iwaizumi is that stubborn. It’s in his blood.”

“What blood?” Kageyama asked. He rarely spoke during meals which Tsukishima learned was because the boy was very instinct-driven. When he was hungry, he ate and didn’t do much else.

“He’s hot blooded,” Tsukishima explained. “It’s most prevalent in the Ares and Hephaestsus kids, I’d say. They’re always angry or stubborn or want to fight or smash something. And they all seem to like to sweat.”

“You just described half the people at camp, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima chuckled. It was true. There was one sitting in front of them as they spoke. Yamaguchi offered they train after lunch. Of course, Kageyama was for it, but Tsukishima didn’t exactly want to.

“It’ll just be something simple,” Yamaguchi said. “Like the climbing wall. We don’t do that often.” Tsukishima sighed and agreed. He didn’t do it very often just because he found it boring. When they went, they found it pretty empty. There were never that many people at the climbing wall at a time. Currently, Michimiya, who was a daughter of Demeter, was climbing the wall by herself. Tsukishima watched her reach the top and crawl onto it before readying herself to climb back down on the other side.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to do that,” Tsukishima muttered.

Yamaguchi chuckled. “I don’t think anyone expects you to, Tsukki. Yachi says that Michimiya climbs the wall like every other day.” Yamaguchi excitedly reached for the wall, already putting his foot on a hold that was knee-height.

Tsukishima stared at it, not sure where to start.

“You want me to help?” Kageyama offered from next to him.

“I know how to do it,” he said. He began climbing, Kageyama next to him. Summer was close to its end, so he didn’t have to worry about sweating unnecessarily and slipping. Or so he thought.

They climbed in silence. Yamaguchi, who was ahead, called down to see how they were doing every once in a while.

“I think I’m going to go to the other side!” He yelled with more enthusiasm than Tsukishima could muster for most things. He looked up, seeing Yamaguchi scale the wall inhumanely fast. Did he do this more often than he thought? In seemingly no time, he saw his feet disappear over the top, after a small wave down to them of course.

“You can go ahead, I don’t need to be babysat,” Tsukishima said, focusing on gripping the red rubber hold that jut out, unnaturally smooth.

“I just thought you’d like the company,” Kageyama told him. Tsukishima noticed there was no strain in his voice, unlike for him. He didn’t answer him. He continued to focus on grasping the pieces of stone, rubber, or plastic that were sticking out of the textured climbing wall. As far as he knew, the wall itself was made out of actual stone, just with various materials stuck into it.

He regretted not looking down for footholds when his foot slipped off a shallow stone, his heart beating hard from the strike of fear that went through him. He couldn’t find a hold for his free foot and simply gripped the attachments at his hands harder. However, the one in his left was made out of some sort of plastic, and the sweat that had pooled in his hand slicked it enough for him to slip off it. He gasped, and in his struggle, lost the hold on his other foot. Thankfully, the stone that he held in his right hand was curved conveniently in a way that he would only be able to let go of it if he wanted to, which was definitely not the case here. He glanced down. He was far up enough that if he fell, he’d most likely sprain something, at best.

“Hold on,” he heard Kageyama from his left.

“There’s not much else I can do,” he grunted as he struggled to grasp the same hold with his left hand, finding it more difficult now that he wasn’t standing on anything and more slicked with sweat each time he tried to grab at it. He found his hand starting to shake, and he made a fist, trying to lean on the lower holds instead. He didn’t want to try to look for footholds until his upper half was stable, in fear that he’d accidentally push himself off.

“Relax,” Kageyama’s voice was nearer to him. He looked over at the boy who was now climbing sideways in order to reach Tsukishima. When he was next to him, he noticed the athletically superior boy had barely broken a sweat and didn’t seem nervous at all. He would’ve turned sour if he was in a different situation.

Tsukishima ducked his head, trying to breathe calmly. He felt a strong hand at his lower back that wrapped around his side. Kageyama pulled him slowly towards him so their ribcages were pressed together.

“Hold onto me.”

Tsukishima obliged, Kageyama having become a new hold for him. He leaned against him, holding onto his closest shoulder. Tsukishima felt himself calm a little when he realized how stable Kageyama’s arm was.

“Move slowly,” he instructed. “There’s a hold near my foot for you to step on and one a little to the right of your other foot. Your legs are long enough to reach.”

Tsukishima chuckled slightly, but it came out more as a nervous exhale. He managed to step onto the places Kageyama suggested. He stood still. He was breathing hard, both from the exercise and from the sudden adrenaline.

“Are you okay?” Kageyama’s voice was quiet, but Tsukishima heard it clearly by how close they were. Tsukishima looked at him, their faces only several centimeters apart from each other. A blush came to the top of Kageyama’s cheekbones. He glimpsed down Tsukishima’s face, then back up to his eyes. Tsukishima felt a strangely warm tingling sensation in his chest, and he wondered if it was another bout of adrenaline from the worry of getting back down.

“Y-yeah, I think so,” Tsukishima said, equally as quiet. He felt Kageyama slightly squeeze his side where he was holding him up. He furrowed his brows just barely. Kageyama swallowed and looked towards the wall.

“I’ll help you down if you’d like.”

Tsukishima looked down at the places he could grab onto and shook his head. Kageyama removed his arm from Tsukishima’s side, backing off a bit. Tsukishima let out a nervous breath. He felt a coldness of adrenaline rush back into his nervous system as he inched his way down. He didn’t feel as nervous when Kageyama was pressed up against him, his body’s warmth seeping and mixing into his own. He thought it was strange.

When he was far enough down, he jumped off, landing on the ground satisfyingly. He rolled his shoulders back, trying to destress from the situation beforehand. Kageyama landed next to him, stretching as well. Without a word, they circled around the other side to find Yamaguchi a little closer than halfway down the wall. Yamaguchi looked down and saw the two boys, grinning down at them.

“It’s harder to go down than up, isn’t it?” He called louder than he needed to. They watched him come down almost as easily as he went up. He jumped down and took an exciting breath.

“Fun, right?” Yamaguchi smiled. “How’d it go for you guys?”

“It was fine,” Tsukishima said. He saw Kageyama look at him a little suspiciously, but he didn’t say anything. The three of them returned to the direction of the lake.

“Let’s go for a swim,” Kageyama moved in front of the two friends, now walking backwards.

Tsukishima felt his heart drop into his stomach. “No,” he spoke without hesitation.

“It’ll cool us down,” Kageyama encouraged. He reached for Tsukishima’s wrist, but he pulled away, stopping in the grass.

“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi put a hand on Tsukishima’s arm. He looked between Yamaguchi’s sympathetic face and Kageyama’s now slightly confused one. He sighed, feeling his chest tighten up already. 

“I’ll put my feet in,” he grumbled.

“Tsukki can’t swim,” Yamaguchi said.

“Yamaguchi,” he warned.

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

“What, really?” Kageyama’s eyes showed surprise, yet a little bit of understanding. “I can teach you?”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “No thanks,” but he already felt his face and neck heating at the thought. The feeling made him uncomfortable; he couldn’t really figure out why he was getting this feeling. Kageyama was… he was hesitant to call him a friend, but there was no other label for him. Yet he couldn’t help blush and think about his hands on his sides as he taught him to swim.

The three boys quickly went to change. Tsukishima’s swim shorts were a solid dark green color. He liked his shorts but each time he had them on he remembered how Atsumu called them ugly the first time he tried them on. They were hand-me-downs, of course. They were from Ukai’s old clothes that he let his younger siblings have once he left. And he knew he’d probably grow out of them soon, but he didn’t have much left from his eldest brother, so he secretly cherished them.

He brought some dry clothes with him on his way to the lake. He saw Yamaguchi come out with yellow trunks on and some dry clothes also in his arms. Kageyama, however, came out in nothing but his swim trunks, which were a deep blue color. 

Hinata, who was walking out of the Apollo cabin with Lev, yelled out, “Looking good, Kageyama!”

“What? Oh, thanks,” he said back, nearly unphased. Tsukishima couldn’t help staring at his chest, or his stomach, or his arms. Unlike Tanaka, who almost never had a shirt on, he’d never seen Kageyama shirtless. He didn’t know how to feel about it. More accurately, he didn’t want to admit that he liked it.

“Tsukki, your mouth is open.”

Tsukishima closed his mouth immediately and looked away. They headed for the lake. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi put their dry clothes safely off to the side. Yamaguchi took his shirt off and tiptoed into the water. He noticeably shivered.

“I thought it’d be warmer.”

Kageyama waded into the water fearlessly. “It’s not that cold.” He looked back expectantly at Tsukishima. Tsukishima was hesitant to even take off his shirt. After seeing what Kageyama was hiding, who wouldn’t be? Well, apparently Yamaguchi, but he wasn’t as thin and lanky as Tsukishima was. He heard Yamaguchi giggle at something Kageyama said, and they were now farther in the water. He took a deep breath and took off his shirt, staring down at his pale skin before walking towards the water. It wasn’t rare for him and Yamaguchi to get their feet wet every once in a while; they hung out here often enough. Chills went up his body when he stepped further in, the water tickling at his calf.

He didn’t just not know how to swim, he was afraid of the water. Since before he could remember, he always hesitated around pools or big bodies of water. He couldn’t remember any incident that would’ve made him so scared, just each time he was afraid of all water that went up to at least his thighs.

It seemed like Yamaguchi and Kageyama were so far ahead. He could feel his legs shaking but continued on. He never told Yamaguchi about his fear, he never thought it would come up. But he did tell him he couldn’t swim, so that put swimming in the lake or treading the water in the stream out of the question.

The water was past his knees now. He looked down into the water and swallowed. He could see his feet touching the bottom, which felt comforting.

“Tsukki, you okay?” Yamaguchi called.

He nodded, but didn’t think Yamaguchi could tell or not so he just said, “Yeah.” He watched Kageyama swim toward him.

“Come on, you can still stand farther in,” Kageyama grabbed his wrist and pulled, but Tsukishima stood his ground firmly.

“I’m good here, thanks.”

Kageyama blinked. “It’s hard to learn in shallow water like this.”

“I… I don’t need to learn.”

“It’ll be okay,” Kageyama assured, a little more softness in his voice. “You can hold onto me the entire time if you want.”

Tsukishima took a deep breath. He shakily grabbed Kageyama’s hand, which closed around his; they sunk until they were submerged in the water. He didn’t mind the cold of the water so much, but he did mind how Kageyama’s hand kept his warm under the water. He strode further into the water, tightening his grip on Kageyama’s hand. The water was up to his hips now. He looked up to where Yamaguchi was, still a little farther out and simply floating on his back with his limbs spread out.

Kageyama continued to pull him until the water reached his stomach. Tsukishima stopped. The water was starting to get deeper where his feet were blurred against the green and brown lake bottom. Kageyama looked back.

“I… I don’t want to go further.”

“We have to go deep to at least learn how to tread water.”

Tsukishima swallowed. He felt like a little kid again, frightened, about to cry, wanting to hug his mom or Ukai. He glanced at Kageyama, who returned his look with wide eyes, though he didn’t look surprised. He came closer to Tsukishima, who almost backed away from him. 

Kageyama put a hand on the back of his arm. “Don’t worry. Just hold onto me, I won’t go anywhere.” Tsukishima wrapped his hands around Kageyama’s arm. He tried not to focus on how firm his arm was underneath his fingers. Kageyama wasn’t too muscular, more so lean and fit, and about as lightly sculpted as a fifteen year old could get.

The water was creeping up to his chest, and he could feel his chest tightening and restricting his breathing. He hung onto Kageyama’s arm closer. He didn’t say anything when Kageyama slid an arm around Tsukishima’s middle and pressed him to him, just like when he was helping him while climbing the rock wall.

“Put your arm around me,” Kageyama spoke quieter than he’s ever heard him. Tsukishima didn’t really want to, but when the water touched onto his neck, a new rush of fear made him suck in a breath and comply. He reached around his neck shakily. He felt Kageyama take a few steps and jump slightly off the ground. Tsukishima panicked once his feet left the ground and they began floating in the water; he tightened his grip on Kageyama and instinctually brought a hand to his chest to hold on better.

“Calm down, I’m not going to drop you.” They stilled in the water, though Tsukishima could feel Kageyama’s legs moving next to his. The sound of the water moving around their bodies seemed loud in Tsukishima’s ears; it would’ve been calming if he wasn’t in the water right now and it didn’t sound incredibly daunting to him. He tried to take deep breaths.

“The only thing you really have to do when treading is to constantly move your legs. You have to act like you’re kicking up to the surface. Try it.”

Tsukishima kept his eyes on the water and tried to make out the shape of their feet below. He kicked feebly at first, but tried to mimic Kageyama’s leg movements that he could vaguely recognize from beneath the water. His knees knocked with Kageyama’s a couple times, but neither of them voiced any complaints about their proximity.

“I’m going to let go of you.”

“What?” Tsukishima ceased all his movements, hanging onto Kageyama for dear life. Looking into his eyes though, he could see Kageyama wanted to trust him. He swallowed.

“I’ll still be holding onto you, I just want you to try it out more on your own.” Kageyama let go of his hold on Tsukishima’s abdomen. Tsukishima relinquished his hold on Kageyama’s neck and instead grabbed his arm again. He felt himself dip in the water and let out an embarrassing sound. Kageyama grabbed his other arm that wasn’t holding onto him and faced him. Tsukishima kicked hard, trying to stay afloat.

“Good. See, it’s not that hard. You need to find a steady rhythm to it; if you kick too hard and too fast, you’ll get tired quicker. Do you want me to let go?”

“No,” Tsukishima said frantically.

“You’ll be fine.” Kageyama started to let go, and Tsukishima started to panic. “If you need to, you can wave your arms in the water as if you’re paddling.”

“N-no, I can’t--” he felt Kageyama’s hands leave his, and he reached desperately for something to hold onto. His chest felt like it was being pushed on by all sides and it was getting harder to breathe.

“Tsukishima, you’re doing it,” Kageyama spoke with heavy encouragement in his voice. “You’re treading, there’s nothing to worry about.”

Tsukishima looked down, slightly waving his arms in the water. He wasn’t holding onto anything, but he was staying afloat. With nerves still wracking his skull, he let out a small strangled sigh of relief and looked up at Kageyama, a little less scared. Kageyama was grinning, his pointed eyebrows making him look a little devious.

Tsukishima kicked hard and felt himself drift back in the water. In a matter of seconds, he felt something soft tickle his ankle, and then immediately pull him into the water. He gasped before his head submerged in the water, not having enough time to yell or scream. He struggled to hold his breath as whatever it was dragged him farther and further into the lake. He wanted to scream, but he knew water would flood his lungs. And never having learned how to swim, he didn’t learn how to open his eyes underwater. He attempted it, but all he saw was blue before he instinctively closed his eyes again.

He reached toward his leg, trying to pull off what it was that was wrapped around him. He couldn’t tell what it was; it was soft and slippery, but vaguely firm.

Fear bubbled up in his chest as he felt his lungs straining to hold in his breath. He needed to take a breath, he needed to breath. He coughed at the pain in his chest, but at that, water rushed into his mouth. He swallowed it, not wanting to breathe it in, but water flooded his lungs as well. The sharp pain and burning only worsened, forcing him to cough and suck in more. He tried to break free from the hold on his leg once more, but he could barely tell that his limbs were going numb. At one point he couldn’t tell if he was moving them or if he was even submerged in water anymore. Then, he couldn’t feel anything.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notes for this chapter: content warning for nightmares (may qualify as ptsd?) other than that, there's a special guest appearance by his favorite brother! this chapter is a little bit longer than usual so enjoy, my dear friends

Tsukishima opened his eyes to blurry dim lights. The moment his eyes met air, they stung, and he blinked away the coming tears. His limbs felt heavy and stiff, too sore to lift. He grunted and a familiar freckled face appeared above his in response to the sound.

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi lifted him by his shoulders in order to hug him a little too tightly for his liking. “I’m so sorry for forcing you to swim, I’m so sorry!” He realized that Yamaguchi was sobbing into his shoulder.

“Yama--” his voice was strained and raspy, and the sudden talking threw him into a coughing fit. Yamaguchi gasped and reached for something, still holding him up with an arm.

“Here, drink this,” He tipped a glass to Tsukishima’s lips. The liquid was smooth and warm and tasted like freshly baked pastries and strawberry shortcake. It was nectar. It felt soothing against his throat, which was probably raw and scratchy. The liquid left a warm feeling in his chest and tingling in his arms and legs. He was able to push himself up with a grunt. He coughed again, feeling slightly dizzy at the sudden movement. He blinked again and realized his vision wasn’t clearing up.

“Yamaguchi? Where are my glasses?” His voice was still a little raspy, but he didn’t think the soreness in his throat was going to be eased right away. Yamaguchi handed him his glasses, and he blinked as he got accommodated to the sudden clearness. He was in the infirmary. He saw one sleeping body across the room and Yamaguchi by his side. And to his right side, Kageyama was sleeping in a chair.

“He wanted to make sure you were okay…”

Tsukishima looked at his hands in his lap. “The last thing I remember…” he sucked in a quick breath and clutched at his chest, remembering the feeling and the fear. He swallowed and blinked away more tears.

“Kageyama was the one that got you out,” Yamaguchi said quietly, sniffling a little bit. “I couldn’t do much except give you CPR…”

“Thank you, Yamaguchi.” He looked up in surprise at Tsukishima. “You probably saved my life,” he swallowed, noticing the weight of the sentence.

“N-no, it was mostly Kageyama…”

“Yamaguchi, if you hadn’t given me CPR…”

Yamaguchi’s eyes filled with tears again, but this time, he put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry, Tsukki, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Tsukishima swallowed and put a hand on his arm.

“No, it’s mine,” Tsukishima heard Kageyama, now apparently awake, speak quietly. “If I hadn’t forced you to learn how to swim--”

“It’s not your fault either,” Tsukishima sighed in frustration, knowing he was probably going to continue to blame himself. “None of us could’ve predicted what happened. What… did happen?” He looked between the two boys, who both gave the same puzzled expression and shook their heads.

Chiron came in after the three spoke for a bit about what he missed. He’d only been out for a day, but he didn’t see all of his siblings in that time, who all had come to visit him. Even some of the other campers came to see how he was doing, including Yachi and Tanaka. It wasn’t everyday something so dangerous happened within the camp. But when Chiron came to visit, he actually had some news about the situation. Apparently, one of the water nymphs meant to play a prank after one of the campers “defiled” the lake. Chiron guessed someone had either peed or puked into the lake at some point. But a notice had went around camp to stay out of the lake for the next couple weeks. And after that, it would be fall and would be too cold to go into it anyway.

He checked in on how he was doing before he had to take care of some other matters. Tsukishima was allowed to leave the infirmary soon after, the nectar he drank having healed his body enough that it was only a matter of time before he was back to normal again.

On the trio’s way out of the infirmary, Tsukishima spotted Hinata bouncing up the hill. But behind him followed Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, and Lev. He tensed. This group was always trying to get him to do things he didn’t want to do. At the very least, he didn’t want to do it with them. They made him exhausted. At least him and Akaashi could share that solidarity.

“Tsukishima!” Hinata yelled.

“Ah, Tsukki!” Bokuto yelled alongside him, throwing his fists in the air as he ran.

“We were just coming to visit you!” Hinata beamed at him.

“Thanks, but you don’t need to anymore.” He watched as Kuroo inevitably came up between him and Kageyama and put his arm around his shoulders.

“Aw, come on, we came all this way.”

Tsukishima noticed out of the corner of his eye, Hinata grabbed Yamaguchi’s wrist and asked him if he was okay. He noticed Yamaguchi nod silently before Kuroo pulled him over to Bokuto and Lev. Akaashi nodded apologetically at him.

“I’m still not fully healed, you know. I’d rather not be manhandled in my fragile state.”

“Yeah, Tsukki needs rest right now,” Yamaguchi spoke up with an expression of worry.

“Alright, alright,” Kuroo removed his arm from Tsukishima’s shoulders, putting his hands casually in his pockets.

“You got to play volleyball with us sometime, dude!” Bokuto smirked.

“I need a practice buddy,” Lev pouted.

“Hey, I’m your practice buddy!” Hinata jumped back in from talking to Yamaguchi.

“Yeah, but I need someone my own size sometimes.”

“What?!”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, almost stumbling on his own feet as he backed away from the noisy teenagers surrounding him. He took a deep breath once the other boys left, heading straight to the volleyball court.

“What time is dinner?” Tsukishima asked Yamaguchi.

“Oh, it already happened, but neither Kageyama or I ate yet, so we’ll sit with you.”

Dinner came and went. Tsukishima felt like the rest of the day, short as it was, blurred all together. He was tired and felt ready to pass out. He skipped out on the shower and went to bed early, relishing in the comfort of his bed and his sheets. He removed his glasses and let his head hit the pillow, falling asleep almost instantly.

Unfortunately, his sleep was restless and racked by nightmares. Visions of him back in the lake, his throat closing and water burning his lungs and his throat. Him wanting to scream, but not being able to make a sound.

“Tsukishima! Tsukishima! Kei!” He was shaken awake, the lights now on. He gasped, feeling sweat moistening his clothes and his hair to his skin. He looked up, panting heavily. Kindaichi’s face was in front of his, eyes searching Tsukishima’s face. Tsukishima let out an anxious, strangled breath as he tried to breathe in and out like normal. Kindaichi sat on the edge of his bed, and Tsukishima rested his head on his shoulder. He focused on breathing in and out, focusing on the feeling of air cleanly moving through his lungs. He felt Kindaichi’s hands on him, one on the back of his neck and the other on his back, rubbing in slow circles.

Tsukishima didn’t share things with his siblings. Or with anyone, really, with the occasional exception being Yamaguchi. But he was weirdly closest with Kindaichi and Osamu, who he knew was the one who put his hand on his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” He heard his voice from next to him. “You were screaming.”

“Obviously, he’s not okay,” Kindaichi said quietly. “After what he went through yesterday?”

Tsukishima blinked. He felt dizzy. Tsukishima reached for the side’s of Kindaichi’s shirt in a lame attempt for a hug.

“Do you want me to get one of the Hypnos kids to help you sleep?” Osamu offered.

Tsukishima shook his head. He didn’t want to bother anyone. Although, he already bothered his whole cabin, didn’t he?

“Okay. But if the nightmares continue, I’m getting them whether you like it or not.”

He lifted his head off Kindaichi’s shoulder and looked over to Osamu who was already heading back to his bed. Atsumu was sitting at the edge of his, rubbing his eye. One of his younger sisters was looking over from the bunk above Inuoka’s bed with worry on her face. Terushima, one of his older brothers who was inappropriately named the head of the cabin, was blinking slowly, his whole body wrapped in a blanket burrito-style. The clock on the side wall said it was 2:33 AM. He felt like shit.

“Do you need anything?” Kindaichi asked, his hands moving to the sides of Tsukishima’s arms in a supportive manner. Tsukishima shook his head, but when the lights were turned back off and Kindaichi went to return to his own bed, Tsukishima held onto his shirt. He was scared to let go. He felt his lip trembling and a lump rise in his throat.

“Yutaro…” his voice was just a whisper, but it was shaky. Kindaichi didn’t say anything, just hugged Tsukishima to him. Tsukishima held his face against his collar, trying his hardest not to cry. He could feel his whole body shaking, but Kindaichi just tightened his hold on Tsukishima and continued his rhythm of rubbing his back from before.

He didn’t remember falling asleep--he was awake for a while before going back to sleep--but the next couple nights were pretty similar in fashion. So when he walked into his cabin Wednesday night, he probably shouldn’t have been as surprised when he saw someone already in his bed.

He glanced warily to Osamu who had his arms crossed. “I got you help,” he gestured to the lump in his bed. The lump sat up, the blanket around them falling to reveal Kunimi.

“Why are you in my bed?” Tsukishima walked over and set his shoes at the foot of his bed.

“I’m here to sleep with you.”

Tsukishima’s eyebrows jumped up on his forehead. “What? I’m not… sleeping with another person in my bed.”

“I can’t affect other people's dreams as well as Kenma, so I have to be close in proximity to you. Hence the sleeping.” He blinked with half-lidded eyes. “Hi Yuu,” he said in an almost bored tone when Kindaichi came in from his shower.

“Ah, Kunimi, hey,” he sat on his bed, most likely understanding the situation after looking between him and Tsukishima.

Tsukishima was obviously reluctant to have someone else in his bed, especially when he was already lying in there.

“My bed isn’t very big,” Tsukishima said, mostly resigned because he knew he needed help. He got in his bed, Kunimi already under the covers.

“That’s okay, I don’t mind cuddling.”

Tsukishima let out a frustrated sigh. “That’s not what I meant,” he grumbled.

“Do you have anything specific you want to dream about?” Kunimi asked when he got comfortable. Tsukishima shook his head. “Alright,” Kunimi slowly reached his hand to touch the side of Tsukishima’s face, two fingers pressed to his temple. “It's easier to guide them by emotions than topics, anyway.” He stared into his eyes, and Tsukishima felt a sudden drowsiness rush over him. He blinked before his eyelids began to flutter, and they eventually closed.

His dreams took their usual turn, though it felt slower than usual. There was the wet pressure of water, then the helplessness. The panic came before the actual drowning, when pain built up in his chest. But before the panic even came, the previous feelings all vanished into mist. Instead, visions of Ukai and him passed by. When he was only nine. Hugging him goodnight or sitting next to him at dinner. Visions of his mother from when he was even younger, holding her hand at the grocery store or sleeping next to her when he got scared. Then he got older, hugging Sugawara in the woods, leaning on him for help and advice. Hanging out with Yamaguchi, holding hands when they got sad or when they comforted each other after both Ukai and Yamaguchi’s brother Shimada left. And more recently, both him and Yamaguchi hanging out with Kageyama. The comforting feeling he got when Kageyama held him on the rock wall and the ease he felt whenever he looked into his eyes. His hand on his back or his hand in his own.

He woke up, still feeling sleepy but saw bright light coming through the window above his bed. Kunimi was still lying in front of him. He watched the sleeping boy open his eyes slightly after him. Tsukishima turned on his back and rubbed his eyes.

“Better?” Kunimi muttered.

“Yeah,” Tsukishima answered. The two boys sat up. Tsukishima noticed no one except Kindaichi was left in the cabin. He still seemed to be sleeping.

“Tsukishima.” He turned to look at Kunimi who looked ever-presently sleepy. “You have friends who seem like they love you. I can help you like this, but I can’t do it forever. Talking to them can help.”

He felt grossed out by the word love being used in the same instance as Kageyama. “Kageyama doesn’t love me,” he chuckled.

Kunimi raised an eyebrow. “Well you feel something for each other.” He glanced towards Kindaichi. “It’s almost like what Yuu and I have, but it’s a little different. Everyone’s different, I guess.”

What him and Kindaichi had? He knew they were friends, but that sounded like he implied something other than friendship.

Once Tsukishima slid out of bed, Kunimi did too, dragging his feet towards Kindaichi’s bed. He climbed over him and curled up under the covers between Kindaichi and the wall. Tsukishima saw Kindaichi shift slightly then threw his arm over Kunimi.

Tsukishima went to the bathroom and dressed before heading to breakfast.

“You look better today,” Yamaguchi came up with a smile and sat next to him at the Hermes table.

“I slept better. With Kunimi.”

“Oh, he’s helped me sleep better before,” Kageyama sat across from them when he arrived at the mess hall. Tsukishima eyed Kageyama.

“Do you know how good of friends him and Kindaichi are?” He asked.

“Your brother?” Kageyama looked down in thought. “I don’t know. I know they hang out a lot. And Kunimi calls him his person. I’m not too sure what that means.”

Tsukishima felt himself blush involuntarily. And Kunimi thought his and Kageyama’s relationship was similar? Kageyama wasn’t his “person.” If anyone, that would be Yamaguchi, but the word seemed to imply something deeper than just friendship. He looked at Kageyama. He didn’t feel anything like that towards Kageyama… right? He barely even liked referring to them as friends, half as a joke.

“You okay, Tsukki?” He looked at Yamaguchi and saw they were both looking at him expectantly. He probably wasn’t paying attention to whatever they had started to talk about.

“Yeah… Craving strawberries,” he said suddenly, looking down at his oatmeal.

“We can go visit the strawberry fields if you want? I know we haven’t visited together in a while.” So the trio went to the fields after breakfast together. They strolled around the fields silently, occasionally picking strawberries, but the Demeter kids didn’t like people taking too many.

Tsukishima heard Yamaguchi gasp next to him and saw his cheeks become pink. “Yachi!” He called out, waving and jogging over to the small blonde who was kneeling next to the plants with a basket next to her. She looked up and smiled widely at him, and they started to chat. Tsukishima looked over the field and saw Ushijima, who was also a son of Demeter, far off and kneeling next to some of the plants as well. He couldn’t see it, but he assumed the older boy also had a basket next to him to collect the berries.

Tsukishima squatted down next to a small batch and plopped one in his mouth. “Mm. You want one?” He held one up for Kageyama who squatted down next to him. He took it and put the whole thing in his mouth. Tsukishima sat in shock before he started laughing loudly, falling back on the ground.

“W-what? Are you making fun of me?”

“You put the whole damn thing in your mouth?” Tsukishima pushed himself up and leaned on his palms. “Even the plant part?”

“Sure,” Kageyama grinned. “It can’t be unhealthy, right?”

Tsukishima chuckled and stared at the boy next to him. When he smiled, the blue in his eyes seemed brighter, and there was a slight sparkle when he looked at him. Kageyama glanced down shortly, and when he turned his face back up, there was a pink tint to his cheeks. He reached a hand for Tsukishima’s face, who froze, staring at his coming hand. Kageyama leaned forward quickly, placing his lips urgently on Tsukishima’s. For a moment, he did nothing. But when he came out of his frozen stupor, he pushed the other boy away and stood up.

“What the hell are you doing?” He looked around anxiously to see if anyone else saw.

“Wha--I thought--” Kageyama stood and stepped towards Tsukishima who backed away, his heart thumping with what he thought was a mixture of fear and embarrassment. 

“No! Go--get away from me!”

Kageyama’s face fell, filling with hurt and shame. He swallowed. “Tsukishi--”

“Fuck  _ off! _ ” Tsukishima backed away again, shaking his head.

Kageyama bit his lip before walking past him, back towards the center of camp. Tsukishima stared at the ground at his feet. Adrenaline was making his head spin, making his heart drive through his chest like crazy. His face was uncomfortably hot. He rubbed his face under his glasses, accidentally smudging them and getting more pissed off. He didn’t even know why he felt so angry. He knew he was upset that that was his first kiss. His first kiss, stolen by Kageyama Tobio. He didn’t really care about who it was with, he just cared that he didn’t have a choice of when or who he had it with. And yet there was a tingling feeling on his lips like he could still feel it.

“Tsukki, what happened? I heard yelling and saw Kageyama leave…”

“Nothing,” he said, not meeting Yamaguchi’s eyes.

“Well, what were you guys talking about? What did he--”

“Nothing! Just leave me alone, alright?” He didn’t like that he yelled at Yamaguchi, and liked even less the level of hurt on his face.

“O-okay, I’ll… give you some space.” Yamaguchi smiled weakly at him before walking off. Tsukishima groaned. He felt like this was all his fault, for some reason. But he knew Kageyama wasn’t his fault. He didn’t control him or prompt him to do that. He sighed and headed for the U of cabins. He wanted to lie down. He wanted to--

He looked up and changed his pace. He wanted to talk to Ukai. He fished in his jean pockets for a golden drachma and headed for the lake. He slowed down, becoming wary once the body of water was in his sights. He swallowed and stopped at the edge and threw his drachma in. It disappeared, being accepted by Iris who shone a rainbow across the surface of the water. It shimmered, soon morphing until Ukai’s face reflected back at him. He sat on his knees and waited expectantly for Ukai to notice him.

Ukai did a double take when he did notice him and gasped. “Kei! I hadn’t heard from you in a couple weeks, I was getting a bit worried,” he chuckled. “I didn’t expect you to Iris message me, though.” He paused, looking over somewhere then becoming a little unsure. “I’m on the phone with my brother.”

“Is that your boyfriend?”

“Yeah. I didn’t tell you much about him, did I? He’s a literature teacher. He actually teaches kids around your age.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes with a smile, happiness welling in his chest as he spoke to his eldest brother. He missed him. “Where do you say all your siblings are?”

Ukai shrugged. “Some boarding school with shitty wifi so you write letters more than call,” he snickered to himself. He probably thought he was really smart to come up with that cover story.

“Okay, when you end up telling him everything I said, tell him I recently read 1984 in class and I thought it was scarily accurate to present day society, but I also thought the writing style was too boring.”

Ukai raised an eyebrow. “Have you actually read that book?”

“Yeah, a couple years ago. The concept was interesting, but it was pretty boring.”

“What’s really going on? You don’t call me like this unless something’s happened.” He read him like a damn book.

Tsukishima bit his lip. He took a shaky breath before telling him what happened just a few days ago in the very lake he was talking into. Even just thinking about it would bring him close to tears. Now that he was speaking about it out loud, to one of the people he missed most, he began full out sobbing. He put his head in hands, not before gazing around hoping he wasn’t embarrassing himself like this. He rubbed his eyes harshly, seeing stars spot his vision in waves.

“Sorry,” he choked out, but Ukai’s stern face told him that was the wrong thing to say.

“Don’t apologize. What you went through was traumatic. You’re allowed to be emotional about it.” Tsukishima sniffed. “Have you talked about it with your friends? The ones that were with you?”

Tsukishima looked away, feeling both angry and guilty. “No.”

He heard Ukai exhale. It wasn’t exactly a sigh, but he could still feel the feelings he was trying to communicate to him.

“I know you don’t like talking about your feelings to other people, but talking to them especially will help you heal. While it might not feel like it, they went through it with you. They saw what happened to you, and they fought for your life when you couldn’t. Talk to them.”

After hearing him say that, he couldn’t dare bring up that he yelled at both of them less than an hour ago. It only made him feel ashamed in himself. He nodded, a bit defeated. They discussed some other happenings; Ukai and his boyfriend seemed to be doing well, they’d only been dating for two months but he said he really liked him, and he had a good feeling about how their relationship was going to go. Tsukishima told him how their siblings were doing; his younger sister was as much of a kleptomaniac as she’s always been, and Inuoka’s general demeanor was getting a bit calmer, even though he was still loud whenever he was with friends.

They said their goodbyes and Tsukishima swished his fingers through the water to get rid of the call. He stared at his warped reflection until the water went still again. He stood and headed for the cabins. He needed to apologize to Yamaguchi.

As he entered the U of the cabins, he saw Tanaka. He was about to smile and wave until he saw that he was coming towards him, angrier than he’s ever seen him. His smile fell and he backed up, but it was too slow for Tanaka who grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against the nearest cabin. Tsukishima stared in surprise. He’d barely ever seen Tanaka angry before, he was always such a friendly and flirty guy, with anyone. Though, it was a much different type of flirty than Terushima, who’s intentions were far less innocent. And unless, of course, they were a rival, and Tuskishima knew he wasn’t one of those. Fear shot through his heart at the thought of someone he admired and was attracted to was so furious with him.

“What did you do?”

“What?” Tsukishima looked between his eyes, only seeing the intense rage that emanated from him.

“I have  _ never,  _ in all my days of living, seen that boy cry. And you, who devoted years of your life to hating him, were the last one with him. What. Did you. Do to him?”

Was he talking about Kageyama? Tsukishima first felt a bit of confusion at the thought of Kageyama crying, and he thought maybe he was talking about someone else. But given what he had said next, who else could he be talking about? Was he really that upset? About… what happened?

“I--I--” Tanaka didn’t let up on the grip on his shirt collar or the stare pinning him to the wall of the cabin. “I didn’t do anything--”

“Bullshit!”

“I--I didn’t--He was the one who--” Tsukishima paused. He didn’t want to say it out loud.

“The one who what?” Tanaka pushed his forearm harder against Tsukishima’s chest, making him swallow. This was a situation he had to approach with extreme caution. He just didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t think Tanaka would actually hurt him if he got angry enough, but he didn’t want to take any chances.

“He… he came onto me…”

“He came onto you.” His grip loosened a bit. “So what, you just told him to fuck off?” Tsukishima held a breath. Did Kageyama tell him what he said?  
“I didn’t know what else to say,” he said stupidly. 

“You could’ve said literally anything but that. Nice fucking job, Tsukishima,” he let go completely and went back to the Ares cabin. Tsukishima took a deep breath, trying to deescalate himself from his panicking feelings. He shakily walked off to the Apollo cabin, still aiming to carry out what he came over here to do in the first place. Thankfully, he didn’t have to pass the Ares cabin on his way and risk getting stabbed.

He knocked on the open door before entering. He noticed Hinata talking with Yamaguchi, who’s posture was slouching a bit, something that happened when he was feeling down. He felt a little more ashamed, thinking he was the cause of Yamaguchi’s temporary sadness.

Hinata noticed Tsukishima and hopped off the bed and stood in front of him. “Tsukishima.”

“I want to talk to Yamaguchi. Is he… available?” He noticed Yamaguchi turned to look at the doorway, his expression a bit hopeful.

Hinata looked back at Yamaguchi, who nodded. Hinata, who seemed a bit unsure, complied anyway, and moved to leave the cabin. Before he did, he tugged on Tsukishima’s shirt.

“I like you Tsukishima, but he’s my brother. Please don’t hurt him.”

“I won’t,” Tsukishima said. He meant it. He knew he had some impulsive anger problems, and he always regretted when he took them out on Yamaguchi. He strode over and sat on Yamaguchi’s bed. Yamaguchi’s face immediately turned to worry when he saw Tsukishima’s face. He always took care of Tsukishima, but he felt like he never gave enough back.

“Tsukki, are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying,” Yamaguchi’s hand touched the side of his face, but Tsukishima took it away and held it between both of his.

“I’m okay. But, um, more importantly… Yamaguchi I’m sorry.” Yamaguchi’s lips parted in slight surprise. He felt an uncomfortable itchy feeling in his neck at the thought of talking about his feelings, but he ignored it. “I’ve been, um, having some trouble dealing with… things going on…”

“Tsukki, it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize. I know you’ve been going through a tough time lately.”

“But that doesn’t give me an excuse to be angry at you for something that’s not your fault.” A pang of sadness made him think of Kageyama, but he didn’t want to think about him in this exact moment; he had to focus on one thing at a time if he wanted to sort things out in his head.

He decided not to talk about what happened at the lake with Yamaguchi yet. He had enough crying for a while. He didn’t see Kageyama again until it was dark. He didn’t actually expect him to see him for a few days or so, he thought he would avoid him.

Tsukishima was taking a walk to clear his head. To specifically think about Kageyama and what he felt when he was with him or when he looked at him. There were too many feelings, it left him so confused; the confusion made him frustrated which ultimately led to anger.

But, he thought. He touched his lips with his fingertips. He could still feel it. He could still feel the soft and tingling sensation he felt earlier. He closed his eyes, stopping in front of the forge for no reason in particular. If he took away that lingering feeling of hate, the feeling that almost felt like he was obligated to hate Kageyama, then what did he feel?

“Tsukishima.” He opened his eyes and turned around. Kageyama stood a few meters away from him, looking more so at Tsukishima’s shirt than his face. Tsukishima didn’t know what to say, so he decidedly didn’t say anything at all.

“I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that earlier. I thought…” he noticed him swallow. “It doesn’t matter anymore. You probably never stopped hating me, did you? You were probably just waiting for the right moment to break me, and then--”

Tsukishima didn’t hesitate to punch him in the face. Nothing made him more angry in anything that happened the past few years than those few words he said. Something bothered him, though. Kageyama was skilled and trained enough to dodge Tsukishima’s punch or to beat him up all together if he wanted to. But he did nothing except wipe his mouth on his wrist. Tsukishima caught his collar in his fist.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re going to throw away everything I did these past couple years? Everything  _ we’ve  _ done?”

“You haven’t really given me a choice,” Kageyama said through gritted teeth. “What else am I supposed to take from this except that you hate me and always have?”  
“But I don’t hate you! Not anymore!”

“Then what is it? What do you think of me? What do you feel when you look at me?”

Tsukishima stared at his face, feeling enraged, but looking into his eyes soothed that rage. He wanted to stay angry just to save face, but he couldn’t. Kageyama might have or might have not been his friend, but he couldn’t help how comforted he felt whenever he looked at him or touched him. 

There was moonlight reflected in his eyes, making them glow a pale blue with the darker blue still retained in the center. His hair was a bit messed up from the jostling Tsukishima did to him, but it seemed so soft then. And his lips, oh his lips. There was a streak of blood from his bottom lip where it had split when he punched him, and it smudged against his cheek.

Tsukishima didn’t know how he felt about Kageyama. But he knew one thing. He’s never wanted to kiss anyone more in his life.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohh we're in the home stretch folks ! there is a scene where tsukishima relives what happened at the lake but doesnt have a full on panic attack. a little later, theres more effects of ptsd. just like to give all the warnings ! besides that, the story is gearing towards the fluff ! enjoy ~

His hair.

His eyes.

His face.

His lips.

Tsukishima didn’t think of anything else when he looked at him nowadays. Just him. He just thought of him.

Tsukishima didn’t know how to reply to Kageyama. He didn’t  _ have  _ anything to say. He didn’t want to say anything either. He simply let his body and his impulse take control, and he kissed him. He shut his eyes so he didn’t see anything that would distract him from this moment.

He didn’t feel Kageyama move under him for the first few moments. And then he kissed back. Tsukishima didn’t know how to kiss someone. He just focused on how it felt to do it. How it felt for someone else’s lips to be against his own. His grip on Kageyama loosened. He’d never felt this amount of… security with someone.

He pushed against Kageyama’s lips with his own, opening them slightly so that he could taste the blood painted over them. He felt Kageyama inhale when his tongue ran across his lips. He used his hands to cup the other boy’s face gently; it felt natural, to kiss him, to hold him, to almost be vulnerable with him.

Tsukishima almost reluctantly pulled away. At least now, he could breathe without being pressed up against someone else’s face. He looked into Kageyama’s eyes, the blue nearly entrancing him.

“I don’t know,” he breathed. “I don’t know what I feel. But I know I want to keep kissing you.”

Kageyama sighed. “Tsukishima. If you really don’t know what that feeling is, you must be dumber than I thought.”

“You’re the last person who can call me dumb.”

Kageyama grinned at his comment. Tsukishima sighed as well and leaned his forehead against Kageyama’s, who was only a few centimeters shorter than him. He felt relief in this action, relief in being able to be with Kageyama like this, with no one else around to think about or disturb them.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry for everything. For… rejecting you, and then punching you in the face. I’m sorry for punching you in the face that other time, on the volleyball court.”

Kageyama laughed. “That was  _ years  _ ago.”

“I know, but I’m still sorry.” He paused. “I wish I could’ve kissed you then,” he joked in preparation for what he was going to say next.

Kageyama laughed again, louder this time. “We were twelve.” Tsukishima snickered.

“I wish I could kiss you now,” he whispered, knowing his face was saturated in pink.

“Then do it.” And so he did. And as he did, he figured he would never be able to get used to this feeling, and he hoped he never would.

Tsukishima was a little embarrassed when, in the morning, in the full daylight, Kageyama walked up to him and attempted to kiss him. Tsukishima immediately went red.

“What are you doing?” He whispered and held his shoulders back. He looked around at the people milling about, minding their own business.

“Why are you whispering?”

“I know with everything that happened last night, you’d want to, but…”

“But?”

“I feel like some people might think I’ve brainwashed you.”

Kageyama lifted an eyebrow. “Who people?”

“Your brother people.”

“Tanaka?”

“I’m pretty sure he was this close to killing me yesterday.”

“If I told him not to then he probably wouldn’t.”

“Well, if you tell him not to, then he might think I’ve brainwashed you into liking me again after I… you know… nearly broke your heart.”

“No, you did actually break my heart.” Tsukishima winced. “But you’re acting really strange. Why not just act like how we normally are?”

Tsukishima sighed, his hand roaming down Kageyama’s arm to hold his hand. “How we normally are doesn’t involve kissing, you know.”

“Well, it’ll just include it now.”

Tsukishima stared at him. He couldn’t be serious. He glanced to the side where the Hephaestus cabin resided. And next to that, the Apollo cabin. He gasped.

“What am I going to tell Yamaguchi?”

Kageyama bit his lip. “I have a feeling it’s not going to be that hard to break the news to him.”

“What do you mean?” He leaned back against the Hermes cabin, watching Kindaichi exit the cabin and look at the two of them standing in front of each other and holding hands, only to do a double take. He kept walking, though now with an expression of disbelief.

“Well he kind of… knew…”

“Knew what?”

“That I… kind of like you…”

“For how long?”

Kageyama looked up towards the cloud-dotted sky with a pained look on his face. “Um, a couple years?”

“Years?!” he stared at Kageyama. Now he  _ really  _ couldn’t be serious. Years? He liked him for years? After all the shit he put him through? He had to be a masochist. “Does… does anyone else know?”

Kageyama looked up in thought. “A couple of my brothers? Tanaka and Tendou, I think.” Tsukishima huffed. Great, the two scariest ones. Though Daichi was also pretty scary sometimes. Tanaka was only scary because he was never angry, and when he got mad, he got frighteningly mad. Like yesterday.

“Um,” Tsukishima looked around again. People were milling around, not paying them any real attention. “I don’t want to make this so public,” he said quietly.

“Why not?” Kageyama tried to get closer to him, but Tsukishima tensed.

“We don’t… we don’t even know what this is… we just, like, kissed a bit…”

“Well, I want to be your boyfriend,” Kageyama said bluntly. “Usually, when two people like each other, they date right?” Kageyama shrugged. He said it so casually, but Tsukishima noticed the blush creeping up his neck.

“I mean, last night was the first time I really… realized what all these feelings meant, so I just want to take things slow, okay?”

“Okay,” Kageyama stepped towards him again and reached for his sides, making Tsukishima squirm. He looked around nervously once more. It was that “what would people think” feeling. He spent so long hating him, and not so long ago did they become friends. And now? Were they… were they actually going to start dating like Kageyama said they were? He was right after all; once two people liked each other they usually started dating. And he… he guessed he liked him. That’s what that feeling was, he assumed. He couldn’t think of anything else it could be. The touching and the kissing and the comfort and the ease. He wanted it to continue. And the only answer was to start dating.

“ _ Okay? _ ” Tsukishima repeated holding him back by his arms. He was like a dog, only driven by wants and needs and never thinking things through.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kageyama sighed, catching his drift. He held onto his hand and pulled him down the line of cabins.

“What are you doing? We were going to tell Yamaguchi  _ now _ ?”

“You’d rather wait a few days?”

Tsukishima watched Yamaguchi walk out of his cabin before they could go in. He eyed his two friends who were still holding hands. Tsukishima instinctually pulled back, but Kageyama held onto his hand. Tsukishima looked between the two, slightly fearfully, then wondered what it was he ever had to be afraid of when Yamaguchi’s eyes widened, a smile spreading across his face.

“You two are okay?” He said it optimistically but confusion was still present on his face when he glimpsed at their joined hands. Tsukishima looked away. He felt the heat at the top of his face sting his eyes. This was fucking embarrassing.

“I told him,” Kageyama said vaguely.

“And he… Tsukki?”

“Yeah, we’re… dating or whatever…”

“Seriously?”

“I don’t think he’s totally down with the idea, but,” Kageyama looked at him. Tsukishima stared back. Into those blue eyes that made his insides melt but made his skin feel strong at the same time.

“Not everyone has to know,” Tsukishima mumbled.

“Why not?” Kageyama challenged. “Because you don’t want people to know?”

“Because it’s an us thing,” he gazed at their two hands together, then trailed his eyes back up to Kageyama’s. He looked surprised at first, and then he grinned. Tsukishima sighed out of annoyance.

“Alright.”

“Eh, why do I have to be the third wheel, then?” Yamaguchi stepped down from the doorway and pouted.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll find a girlfriend someday,” Tsukishima snickered, reverting back to his old self, although he was still a bit nervous when he bumped his shoulder with Kageyama’s. The three of them headed towards the pavilion for some food. When they got there, Kageyama moved to sit beside Tsukishima.

“Aw!” Yamaguchi yelled, catching the attention of some other campers. “You blocked me out!” He grumpily sat across from the two, where Kageyama usually sat across from Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. Tsukishima saw Kiyoko and Futakuchi, who were both from Aphrodite, glance over at the commotion.

“Well,” Kageyama started, grabbing a roll and ripping it in half. “There’s a bunch of girls in camp. A ton of them are cute.”

“Yeah, but they all scare me. Yachi was the only one who was sweet enough to approach.”

“What about Kanoka? From Nike? She’s pretty sweet, don’t you think? Not as intense as the other kids in Nike.” Kageyama snorted in agreement with Tsukishima. “You’re one to talk,” he said as an aside to Kageyama.

“That’s true… I don’t really know her well, though.”

“Then get to know her,” Tsukishima shrugged, a smirk on his face.

“I can’t just pick a random cute girl and expect everything to work out! I have to actually like her!”

“And you won’t know if you like her or not until you get to know her,” Tsukishima and Kageyama snickered to themselves while Yamaguchi continued to pout.

Yamaguchi volunteered to leave and practice archery by himself so Tsukishima and Kageyama could have some alone time. Newlyweds, he called them teasingly. And since Tsukishima was too scared to confront any and all of Kageyama’s siblings, he volunteered they hang out in the Hermes cabin.

“No one’s usually in there during the day,” Tsukishima pulled him along, ears going red at the thought of them having private time. It was innocent, he told himself. He already told Kageyama he wanted to go slow, but his big, stupid brain was imagining things.

Kageyama hesitated at the entrance, looking around inside before stepping in. “Hm.” Tsukishima turned and raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Nothing, I’ve just only been in the Apollo and Ares cabins, it’s different.”

“Apollo?”

“With Yamaguchi and Hinata.”

Tsukishima looked around. He’d only been in the Hermes and Apollo cabins, and they were slightly different. The Apollo cabin was all bright colors and happy vibes, while the Hermes cabin had muted colors but still a comfortable setting. The notable signs of Hermes around were the white wings on either side of the clock on the wall and the golden scepter with two green snakes circling it painted on the back of the door.

Tsukishima kicked off his shoes and sat on his bed quietly until Kageyama joined him. He looked at his lap and felt one of Kageyama’s hands on top of his own.

“I guess… it still feels a bit awkward being with you like this.” A pause.

“What would make it less awkward?” Kageyama nudged his foot with his own.

_ This is the time _ , his brain said to him. Ukai’s face flashed in his mind. Tsukishima crossed his legs and shifted to face Kageyama.

“Um, can we… talk?”

“Talk? About what?” He mimicked his stance.

“Ukai said--” he took a deep breath. “My oldest brother, I don’t know if you remember him--I talked to him recently, and he said I should talk to my friends that were with me… at the lake…” He didn’t hear Kageyama say anything. He squeezed his hands into fists and just began talking. Talking about how he felt. How he felt about the water and swimming. How scared he felt to be in there, water pressing in from all sides and having nothing to stand on. Then the comfort that Kageyama gave him. The stability. And then fear again. Panic. How it felt. How it felt to be dragged into one of the places he feared most. How it felt to have water fill his mouth. How helpless he felt. And how much pain there was when he was drowning. The pain in his chest.

By the end, he was crying, desperately wiping his face with the back of his hands and trying not to hyperventilate. Kageyama grabbed both of his wrists, his grip slipping slightly from the tears dripping down his arms, and pulled him into a hug. He held Tsukishima’s head to his chest, holding onto the taller boy firmly.

“I-I know you were there too, and it was probably hard for you to-to-to witness that,” Tsukishima sobbed into his shirt, grabbing his sides in hope for the stability he knew Kageyama provided for him. He breathed in Kageyama, smelling sweat and a spice that he somehow connected to pine. Even when he was clean, the boy smelled like sweat, but it wasn’t bad. It was just him. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Kageyama looked at him, placing both hands on the sides of his face. His thumbs brushed through the wetness under Tsukishima’s eyes. “Don’t apologize. None of it was your fault. Sure it… it hurt me to see you like that, but it was out of our control, okay?”

Tsukishima sniffed, staring at Kageyama, holding onto his shirt weakly. He shook his head and stared into his lap.

“How do you do this?”

“Hm?”

“Comfort people. I’m not good at it.”

“Tsukishima,” he gave a small smile. “At least to me, your presence is all the comfort I need.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes and finally reached for the tissues on the windowsill above his bed.

“That was sappy as shit,” he blew his nose. Kageyama chuckled.

“Can you blame me? You make me this way.”

“Stop,” he playfully hit his chest, then froze when Kageyama placed a gentle kiss to his lips. “Man, I’m all gross.”

“I don’t care.”

“You’re disgusting,” Tsukishima’s voice turned into a whisper between their mouths. The kiss was a little messy, choppy, out of rhythm. Tsukishima was still getting used to doing it. He didn’t think he was ready to use tongue, but Kageyama definitely did. He pulled away in surprise, just in time to hear someone else in the Hermes cabin.

“Oh, damn, uh,” Kindaichi stood, frozen in the doorway.

Tsukishima went red, wiping his eyes a final time. “Sorry,” he muttered. Kindaichi cleared his throat and shook his head, moving to ruffle through his things at the foot of his bed. Tsukishima turned towards Kageyama again.

“I’ve… never done that before,” he whispered, hoping Kindaichi couldn’t hear.

“Oh.”

“Have you?”

“Once.”

“With who?”

“Hinata.”

“Hinata?” Tsukishima didn’t know if he should’ve been more surprised at who it was with or that he'd done it at all. Kageyama shrugged. “When was this?” he tried not to sound too curious. He wasn’t jealous, or he didn’t think so.

“I think before we started to kind of hang out? It was only the one time. We only kind of liked each other so,” he lifted a shoulder nonchalantly. Even so, it still made him feel a bit inferior in his making-out skills, as if he had any.

“It doesn’t matter,” Kageyama said finally. Tsukishima thought it mattered, at least a little bit. “Um, it’s good you told me all that. I mean, it’s good for you to talk it out and stuff.” Kageyama swirled circles in Tsukishima’s palm with his thumb.

“Thanks for listening. And being here.”

“Tsukishima… I’ll always be here for you.” Tsukishima thought it was unnecessarily sappy and cringed when he said it, but he was glad he did.

Tsukishima had had a few nights of decent rest. It wasn’t perfect, but no screaming, no horrible nightmares. He felt like he didn’t need Kunimi anymore. But then, at the end of the week, a thought occurred to him that the peace was only temporary, and the hurt may become a new normal.

He sat up in his bed, sweating profusely, tears streaming down his face. The lights went on, and Kindaichi was already by his side. Tsukishima saw his face was tired, they were all probably tired. Maybe even a little irritated.

“Do you want me to get Kunimi?” Osamu asked, running a hand over his face. Tsukishima felt guilty. He was hindering everyone’s sleep… He knew it technically wasn’t his fault, but he still felt guilty.

He shook his head. “Ka… Kageyama…” his name left his mouth before he even realized he was speaking. Osamu didn’t ask questions or say anything else before heading straight out the door, presumably to the Ares cabin. Kindaichi squeezed the sides of his arms reassuringly. In a matter of moments that simultaneously felt too long and too short, Osamu returned with a tall black-haired boy by his side.

Kageyama looked a little frazzled and out of it, but most of all, he looked worried. His eyes darted around until he saw Tsukishima. Everyone’s eyes were on Kageyama; Tsukishima didn’t tell any of them about him, but after tonight they’d know.

“Thanks, Yutaro,” Tsukishima muttered quietly to Kindaichi. He nodded and backed off enough for Kageyama to make his way to Tsukishima. He cupped his face in his hands, inspecting his hazy and slightly panicked eyes.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

“Nightmares,” Tsukishima breathed out almost reluctantly. “Can’t sleep.”

“Okay. What can I do?” Kageyama sat down on the bed. Tsukishima let his head fall against the other’s; his body felt weak and heavy.

“Stay here,” his voice came out more as a whisper.

“About to put the light out again. Kageyama’s staying?” Osamu asked, hands on his hips.

“If that’s alright with you,” Kageyama said. Osamu just shrugged and flicked the lights off. 

Kageyama climbed around Tsukishima and slid under the covers. Tsukishima fell back, barely having the energy to move. Kageyama seemed to notice, as he pulled him towards him and threw the covers over them both.

“I thought you wanted to take things slow,” Kageyama attempted a joke. Tsukishima didn’t answer and didn’t bother becoming embarrassed as he hugged Kageyama’s waist and buried his face in his neck. He felt his lips on his forehead and smelled the familiar sweat and pine on his neck. He breathed out, tears flowing out of his eyes. Kageyama hugged him tightly.

“I’m here,” he said. “I’m not going anywhere.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh this is it! its the end! thank you all so much for reading this and keeping up with it until now! this last chapter is pretty much just fluff and fun stuff; not really any surprises, i'd say. i hope you like it!

When Tsukishima woke up, he still felt a little sweaty and a bit warmer than usual. It didn’t take long for him to notice the other body in his bed. He almost jerked up into a sitting position before he remembered last night. He relaxed, watching Kageyama’s sleeping face in front of his. He looked so peaceful, as opposed to the normally confused yet endearing one he wore. He didn’t know what time it was, and he didn’t want to wake Kageyama, but he couldn’t resist touching the side of his face. The skin was soft and slightly plump despite his baby fat having been gone for years already.

Gods, why was it every time he looked at this boy’s face so closely, he wanted to kiss him? Perhaps it was all the years of pent up attraction going unrecognized. Tsukishima chuckled to himself. It wasn’t years. Maybe a year, singular. But for Kageyama it was years, plural. He frowned. He couldn’t imagine liking somebody for several years who hated you or just felt indifference. Maybe it was similar to how Yamaguchi was feeling about Yachi.

Tsukishima was staring at his lips. He observed how the pinks and browns flowed in and out of each crevice in his lips. How the natural rosiness of his lips peeked out from the inside of his mouth.

He saw Kageyama’s eyes squeeze before he opened them. He blinked lazily. Tsukishima watched his dilated eyes constrict then focus with recognition. He licked his lips then closed his eyes again and snuggled closer to Tsukishima. He heard him sigh.

“This is nice.”

“Good morning to you, too.” He felt Kageyama chuckle. Then he felt his nose brush against Tsukishima’s neck before his lips touched the sensitive skin. Tsukishima nearly gasped. “What are you doing?” He thought he felt Kageyama’s tongue against his neck, and a tingling sensation ran down his body, making him shiver. Anxiety rushed in at the thought of his other siblings still being in the cabin; he had his back to the rest of the cabin, so he couldn’t tell.

“I wanted to kiss you,” he mumbled.

“That’s not where you kiss people.”

“It can be,” he continued littering kisses and wet feelings in small circles on Tsukishima’s neck. He let out a shaky breath and was tempted to run his hands through Kageyama’s hair--it had to be so soft--but instead resisted and pushed him away by his shoulders.

“Not… right now.” He looked over his shoulder and saw two people still in his cabin: Atsumu was lying face down on his bed, an arm hanging off of it, and Kindaichi was seemingly still sleeping, back towards the rest of the cabin.

“Later?” Kageyama grinned.

“I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Kageyama shimmied his hands up Tsukishima’s shirt and around his back.

“What are you doing now?” He asked, slightly more amused.

“I’m just hugging, you jeez.”

They heard a grunt, and Tsukishima looked back around to see Atsumu lifting himself off his bed and looking a bit pissed.

“Excuse me. I’d rather not hear my brother getting it on. Take it somewhere else.”

“We’re not--” Tsukishima thought his face was going to swell with the amount of blood that rushed into it. “Atsumu!”

“Then go outside or shut up!” He slammed his head back onto the bed and threw his pillow over his head. But the moment the two went outside, the camp was buzzing. The news was out. There was a new couple in camp, and you’ll never guess who it was.

People everywhere were staring at them and they hadn’t even left the U of cabins yet. Tsukishima spotted Tanaka and Tendou walking towards them together, and he felt all the warmth leave his body.

“I’m going to die.”

“You’re not going to die,” Kageyama chuckled when he noticed his brothers.

“Kageyama,” Tsukishima turned to him. “At my funeral, tell Yamaguchi I want him to give the eulogy.”

“Shut up,” Kageyama laughed and pushed him playfully, not letting go of his other hand.

“Tsukishima.” Tanaka came up, arms crossed. Tsukishima stood straight, frozen in his spot.

“Ah, Tsukki!” Tendou jumped up from his slouched posture and threw a long arm around Tsukishima’s shoulders. “Ya lanky bastard!” Look who was talking.

“Uh, sorry about the other day,” Tanaka spoke up, rubbing the back of his neck.

“It--It’s okay.”

“But,” he felt Tendou’s breath on his ear and a shiver went down his spine, making him feel uneasy. “If you ever do hurt out little Tobio, well,” Tsukishima felt him grin. “I know a couple dozen different ways how to kill someone.”

“That’s… cool,” he choked out. Tendou cackled next to him and threw his head back.

“Can you guys calm down? We’re still getting used to things,” Kageyama shifted his weight uncomfortably. Tsukishima thought at first that he was uncomfortable with the dating thing, but considering how he’s been acting since they first kissed, he thought it was unlikely. Was he embarrassed? He hasn’t been recently. Was it just because it was in front of his brothers?

“Aw, are we embarrassing little Tobio in front of his boyfriend?” Tendou stealthily moved between them, catching the two younger boys around the neck. “Well, word on the street is that you two had quite the snuggle fest last night. Do anything… risque?”

Both of their faces went red, and Tsukishima swore both of them almost tore their hands away from each other.

“Even if we did, I wouldn’t tell you about it,” Kageyama said, looking frustrated.

“Kageyama!” Tsukishima yelped. Tanaka joined Tendou in his laughter. Tsukishima, then, wondered if any of the three boys actually had performed such acts. He figured Tanaka, as flirtatious as he was, most likely had, but he wasn’t sure. Tendou… he couldn’t imagine Tendou being attracted to someone, but he did spend an awful lot of time with Ushijima. Kageyama on the other hand… he knew made out with Hinata once, but was that all they did? They couldn’t have, right? They were too young. Even right now, Tsukishima seemed like they were too young, no matter what thoughts and wants ran through his mind.

“Can you get off so we can go eat?” Kageyama said, strain in his voice. Tendou eventually complied, and Tsukishima frantically pulled Kageyama away by the hand. Yamaguchi came jogging up to them, and Tsukishima sighed. He had a feeling people weren’t going to stop bothering them, but at least Yamaguchi might help give a bumper between them and others.

“Everyone’s talking about you guys,” he said, fumbling with his fingers slightly. “What… exactly happened last night?” Tsukishima grimaced and didn’t say anything until they sat at the Hermes table like they usually did.

“I had nightmares again, and instead of asking Kunimi for help sleeping, Kageyama helped me…” He mumbled.

“Tsukki, you never told me you’ve been having nightmares,” Yamaguchi furrowed his brows in worry, leaning his abdomen against the wood of the table.

“He didn’t tell me either,” Kageyama mentioned, already starting to eat. Tsukishima winced.

“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal,” he shrugged, already feeling Yamaguchi’s hard stare on him as he forked some pancakes onto his plate.

“Of course it’s a big deal!” Yamaguchi yelled. He looked around, then lowered himself towards the table once he noticed people staring. “Of course it’s a big deal,” he said quieter, almost in a whisper. “Even if you think you’re dealing pretty well with what happened at the lake, your mind and your body are still trying to recover. You need time.”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Tsukishima said. His voice was low and firm, his guard up. He felt Kageyama touch his forearm gently. It was only for a moment, and he immediately started eating again, but Tsukishima knew he was there for him, and he appreciated it.

They ate their brunch rather silently. Yamaguchi asked if it was okay to go hang out by the lake. Tsukishima was fine with it, as long as they were a safe distance away from the edge. Yamaguchi sat, crossing his legs, and Kageyama sat next to him, his legs outstretched in front of him and leaning back on the palms of his hands. Tsukishima sat similarly on the other side of Kageyama, but when his butt hit the grass, Kageyama pulled him down by the middle and the back of his head hit the other boy’s thigh. Tsukishima stared up, bewildered.

“What are you doing?”

“Letting you lie more comfortably. Plus I like looking at you.”

Tsukishima closed his eyes, not wanting to see Kageyama’s satisfied smirk when he felt himself blush horribly. “Whatever,” he said, shifting the position of his shoulders and head on Kageyama’s lap. “Just don’t do anything weird.”

“I have no idea what you could mean.”

Tsukishima heard Yamaguchi huff. “I swear to gods, if you guys start acting all lovey-dovey in front of me I’ll get depressed.”

“Why?” Kageyama asked.

“He has a crush on Yachi, and she likes Kiyoko. Told him herself.”

“Really? Oh, sorry,” Kageyama gave his condolences. “Uh, are you straight?” He asked.

“Yeah, why?”  
“Oh, that sucks. I know a couple guys who are interested in you.”

“What?!” Yamaguchi yelled. Tsukishima’s eyes flew open and saw his mouth hanging open. “Who?!”

“For one, I know Tanaka thinks you’re cute.”

“Tanaka?! Like your brother Tanaka?!”

“Do you know any other?”

“He’s pretty hot, I say go for it. Are you a hundred percent sure you’re straight?”

“Pretty sure, thanks Tsukki,” Yamaguchi chuckled.

“Wh--what do you mean he’s ‘pretty hot’?” Kageyama said. When Tsukishima didn’t answer, Kageyama poked his cheek roughly. He chuckled.

“I mean he’s pretty hot. He’s attractive, he’s good looking, he’s appealing. Do you need any other synonyms?”

Kageyama frowned. “So you like him or something?”

Tsukishima laughed, his whole body shaking. “What is wrong with you? I’m dating you aren’t I? I just had a mild crush on him for a while.”

“What do you mean by mild crush?”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “Calm down. I just meant I thought he was attractive, but I wouldn’t have actually gone for him. He’s too optimistic.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

Tsukishima sighed. “So?”  
“So what?”

“Who else likes Yamaguchi?”

“Oh,” he grumbled, setting a hand on Tsukishima’s chest. “I think Futakuchi from Aphrodite. But I don’t know how credible my information is.”

“What does that mean?” Tsukishima raised an eyebrow.

“Well, he asked me to help him train once, but I think he was just using it as an excuse to ask me to make out with him. I declined and he asked if there was anyone I wanted to make out with. I didn’t really give him a straight answer, but I asked back out of courtesy--”

“Of course,” Tsukishima interrupted with a smirk. Kageyama gave a short scowl before continuing.

“And he mentioned some people from the Apollo cabin ‘like Yamaguchi’ he gave as an example. So I think that means he’s interested in you, but I don’t know how much.”

“Hmm.”

“Oh, so now that it’s someone from Aphrodite, you’re giving it thought?” Tsukishima joked.

“No!” Yamaguchi said defensively. “It’s just interesting… and kind of strange to have this information, you know?”

“Not really. No one ever expressed interest in me besides this one,” Tsukishima nodded once, his eyes closed again. He felt one of Kageyama’s hands rest in his hair, his fingers traveling through it lightly. He breathed in at the touch, relaxing a bit from it.

“Now that I think about it, Yuuji once mentioned thinking you were cute,” Tsukishima said.

“Yuuji?  _ Terushima  _ Yuuji?! Your own brother?! Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“For one, because he’s my brother, and I thought it’d be weird, and two, I didn’t trust his intentions with you. He gets really touchy with people he flirts with, you know?” Tsukishima listened for a response, but Yamaguchi was silent, most likely processing all this information in his brain,

“I’ve had a few people interested in me,” Kageyama said in thought.

“Yeah, I know,” Tsukishima grumbled. “It’s because you’re cute.”

Instead of Kageyama reacting like he thought he would, he heard Yamaguchi’s distinct, dramatized gasp.

“Tsukki! I can maybe deal with Kageyama being a sap, but I cannot accept you being one as well.”

Tsukishima opened his eyes and tipped his head back to look at Yamaguchi, even if he was upside down. “Why isn’t it acceptable when I do it, but it is when he does?”

“Because I’ve spent years trying to teach Kageyama how to communicate his feelings better, but you just never do out of your own free will. It feels gross.”

“You’re gross,” Tsukishima said lamely, unable to think of anything else as a comeback. He didn’t bother trying to anyway; he knew he was right. It felt strange for him to say it himself just because he’s never said stuff like that before. He sighed. Kageyama sure had an effect on him. He didn’t know if he liked this change, but he accepted it anyway.

“Guys. Oikawa and Iwaizumi haven’t gotten together yet, right?” Yamaguchi sounded suspicious enough to make Tsukishima open his eyes and attempt to sit up. He saw the two mentioned boys between them and the mess hall. They seemed to be arguing and attracting a bit of attention from neighboring groups of kids.

“Are they going through a rough patch?” Tsukishima wondered. He startled suddenly, hearing Oikawa grunt in frustration even from here. The older boy looked in their direction and pointed an accusing finger at them. The trio froze.

“If those two little assholes can get together, then what’s stopping you?” He yelled at Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi yelled back, equally as frustrated.

“Just shut the  _ fuck  _ up!” He grabbed Oikawa by his shirt, pulling him until their lips smashed together. There was some clapping and whistles from the crowd around them. It didn’t look like they were going to let up any time soon, so Tsukishima lied back down.

“Well, there’s your answer.”

“They’ve liked each other for a long time, right? Why have they dated other people before, then?” Yamaguchi asked.

Tsukishima shrugged. “Sexual frustration? Maybe just to piss each other off?”

“Why would they want to piss each other off?” Kageyama inquired, abandoning Tsukishima’s hair and beginning to trace the lines of his face.

“Make each other jealous, you know? If they got jealous, maybe they’d make the other like them more.”

“Do you think that would work with Yachi? If I like… made out with Kiyoko--”

Tsukishima snorted. “You would never get to make out with Kiyoko.”

“Yeah, she only likes girls.” Tsukishima and Yamaguchi stared at Kageyama.

“How do you know?”

“She told me once.”

“You’re strange,” Tsukishima shook his head. Tsukishima relished in the feeling of Kageyama’s fingers running across his jaw and listened to the mumbled commotion coming from where he assumed Oikawa and Iwaizumi were. He could imagine Fukunaga setting of fireworks later in celebration of his older brother.

Despite him thinking this, he was really weirded out when he found out he was right, and fireworks started going off at the beach after dark. Whether people cared about the two boys’ relationship or not, they went to hang out under the twinkling colorful lights. Tsukishima noticed Yamaguchi trying to talk to Yachi, then sitting next to her on a log. The poor boy. He hoped something good would happen to him soon.

Kageyama grabbed Tsukishima’s hand and pulled him away from the beach. “Come on,” he said excitedly. Tsukishima laughed at the enthusiasm in his voice.

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere quiet.” He looked back at the loud crowd they were leaving behind. The noise began quieting the further they walked. He looked at the back of Kageyama’s head, his heart hitching a bit and making his chest feel tight. He remembered what Kageyama said before. _ So later? _

They were nearing the cabins and hid between two of them.

“Kageyama--” He backed Tsukishima into the wall of one of them, his face centimeters away. He stared into Kageyama’s eyes. They stared back into his.

“If you don’t want to, we won’t,” he whispered, slowly inching his face towards Tsukishima’s. But he did want to. Sure, it was embarrassing, but he did want to.

He met the other boy’s lips with his own. They felt softer than he remembered them. Sweeter. Was he wearing flavored chapstick? Tsukishima smiled into it.

“What?” Kageyama muttered.

“You taste like strawberries.” Kageyama smiled and slid his hands up Tsukishima’s neck, entangling his fingers in his hair as he kissed him again. Tsukishima felt Kageyama’s tongue on his lips, and he hesitated before opening them. He gasped at the intrusion; the sensation of Kageyama’s tongue against his was weird. He attempted to move his tongue against Kageyama’s; once he found some sort of rhythm, Kageyama pressed harder into the kiss. He pressed his chest against Tsukishima’s, and Tsukishima hugged his middle, feeling his heart becoming more excited at the sudden contact.

When Tsukishima’s tongue brushed against the top of Kageyama’s mouth, he felt the fingers in his hair tighten and Kageyama pulled away briefly.

“Kei…” he breathed out. Tsukishima was almost surprised enough to open his eyes. A tingling went through his body, and he tightened his hold on Kageyama’s body, hands moving up his shirt. He pushed his body away so he could lean against Kageyama while he was against the wall instead. He felt up his sides, trying not to shake from how nervous he felt about all of this. This was crazy. But so exciting.

He broke away slightly. “Tobio,” he whispered, nuzzling his face into his neck, kissing it lightly and trying to remember how Kageyama did it to him that made it feel so good.

“Tsuk-- Kei.” He looked up at Tobio’s flushed face, feeling an odd emotion in the pit of his stomach at the look. “I… I really like you.”

Tsukishima chuckled. “I’d hope so, otherwise this would be really awkward.”

“I mean… you’re… one of my best friends… I don’t want to fight again, or be separated from you, ever.”

Tsukishima only felt the blush accumulate in his neck; there was probably enough heat in his face already.

“Tobio…” he kissed his jaw close to his ear. “I don’t want to be  _ just  _ friends, anymore…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> congrats on making it to the end of this fic. i wrote it pretty fast and thus was why i ended up updating it frequently. anyways im glad you stuck around on this tsukikage journey with me! check out my [twitter](https://twitter.com/bluefiames) where i complain about writing and talk about anime and stuff


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